It’s tempting to ask your child, “How was school today?” to get some information on how things are going. But you’re likely to get back a monosyllabic response if you ask the same question day after day.
If you want to know more about what’s going on in your child’s day-to-day life, you’re not alone. With a little creativity and a few well-crafted questions, you can turn those vague answers into meaningful conversations.
As I explain in my book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, showing interest in your child’s opinions and ideas is important. And there are many things you can do to encourage them to open up and share their thoughts.
Here are 10 creative questions designed to encourage your child to share more about their day, along with tips for fostering a comfortable environment for open communication.
1. “What was the best part of your day?”
This question shifts focus from the usual routine and encourages your child to share their favorite highlight. This question is also helpful if your child tends to gravitate to the negative things going on. Talking about the positive aspects of school might help them see that there’s always something good going on in their day, even if that highlight involves lunch or recess only.
2. “Did anything surprise you today?”
Surprises can range from unexpected science experiments to getting picked second for the kickball team. This question invites your child to reflect on the day’s events and share fun details you might not otherwise hear.
3. “Who were you proud of today?”
This question can foster social skills as you ask your child to think of someone they were proud of. Whether they were excited a friend got a good grade in math or they were proud of a peer who dared to participate in a game at recess, this question can help them see how they can cheer others on, instead of thinking of everyone else as their competition.
4. “When did you feel proud of yourself today.”
In addition to pointing out why they feel proud of others, it’s also important for kids to celebrate their own accomplishments. No matter how minor something might seem, taking a minute to acknowledge a time they were brave or a time when they were kind, can boost their confidence and reinforce good behavior.
5. “What’s one thing that would have made today even better?
This invites your child to express any frustrations or challenges they might have faced, giving you insights into areas where they might need support. It can also help them build problem-solving skills and identify things they want to change for tomorrow.
6. “What was the most interesting thing you learned?”
Encourage academic curiosity with open-ended questions that give them the freedom to share what interests them. Instead of asking about a specific subject or focusing on how they scored in a test, this question gives them the freedom to talk about their passions and it can foster a love for learning, regardless of how they perform on standardized tests.
7. “What did you play during recess?”
Recess is a key part of social and physical development. This question can lead to stories about friendship, teamwork, and play, revealing information about your child’s social skills. It’s good to know whether they spent their recess playing alone, talking to friends, or joining in a group activity.
8. “Who were you kind to today?”
This encourages empathy and altruism. It prompts your child to consider how their acts of kindness have the power to impact others. It can also show that you value being kind to others, if in fact, that’s something you value within your family–as to only valuing their academic success in school.
9, “What’s something new you’d like to try at school?”
This question can lead to your child sharing things they’re curious to try, whether it’s a new club or a musical instrument. Sometimes children get caught up with their current activities and forget to look for new ones. This question might remind them that there are plenty of other things to explore and try if they want.
10. “What’s a mistake you learned from today?”
It’s important for kids to know that mistakes aren’t something to be embarrassed about and it’s not a sign of their intelligence. Instead, mistakes can be great learning opportunities. The more you normalize mistakes and failures, the more likely your child will recognize how to take responsibility and learn from their missteps.
How to Create an Environment for Open Communication
To make the most of these questions, it’s crucial to create a space where your child feels comfortable sharing. Here are some tips:
- Listen actively. Show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact and responding positively to their stories.
- Choose your timing. Your child may not be eager to talk right when they get home. You might find it’s better to talk over dinner or after they’ve had some time to unwind.
- Ask limited questions. Don’t ask too many questions or your curiosity may feel like an interrogation. If your child doesn’t want to talk, move onto another subject to keep your conversations about school fun.
- Model how to share. Share your own day, showing that it’s okay to talk about both highs and lows.
- Don’t immediately give advice. Resist the urge to tell your child what they should do if they say they experienced a problem. Instead, ask them what they plan to do to address the issue and help them problem-solve.
- Talk during activities. Staring face-to-face may put pressure on your child. They may be more likely to open up when they’re coloring or while you’re playing catch.
Your conversations don’t have to be long and in-depth about school. Keep in mind the goal isn’t to just gather information, but it’s also an opportunity to connect and show your child that you value hearing about their thoughts and feelings.
