If you study adults who marry over the course of many years, starting before they marry and continuing afterwards, will you find that after marrying, they become less sexist? University of Auckland researcher Nikola C. Overall and two of her colleagues did that study. For 14 years (2009-2023), they followed 1,615 adults from a nationally representative study of New Zealanders who got married (and were not gay or lesbian).
They reported their findings this month (August 2024) in the journal Sex Roles in “Is marriage associated with decreases or increases in sexism?” They did not make a prediction as to whether people would become more or less sexist after they married, but they admitted that they hoped that men who married would express less hostile sexism than they did when they were single.
However, that’s not what happened. In the first year after they married, the men became more sexist, as evidenced by their responses to a measure of hostile sexism. A strength of the study was that women’s sexism was measured as well as men’s. In the year after they first got married, women expressed more hostile sexism too.
Hostile and Benevolent Sexism
The authors define hostile sexism as involving “antagonistic attitudes towards women who challenge men’s social power and fears that women will gain power by exploiting men’s dependence in intimate relationships.” Hostile sexism is measured by agreement with statements such as:
- “Once a woman gets a man to commit to her, she usually tries to put him on a tight leash.”
- “Most women fail to appreciate all that men do for them.”
- “Women are too easily offended.”
Another variety of sexism, benevolent sexism, “involves patronizing attitudes that women’s warm, tender nature makes women ill-suited leaders but irreplaceable caregivers that should be cherished and protected.” Benevolent sexism is measured by agreement with statements such as:
- “Many women have a quality of purity that few men possess.”
- “A good woman should be set on a pedestal by her man.”
- “Women should be cherished and protected by men.”
The Trajectory of Sexism When the Participants Were Single
In the years leading up to marriage, when the participants were single (unmarried), they were becoming less and less sexist. Over time, both the men and the women expressed less hostile sexism, and the women expressed less benevolent sexism, though all of the declines were small. Men’s benevolent sexism stayed constant.
The First Year of Marriage Is When Sexism Increases
After years of becoming less sexist while single, the participants became more sexist in the first year after they got married. Both the men and the women expressed more hostile sexism, and the women also expressed more benevolent sexism. Men’s level of benevolent sexism did not change during that first year of marriage.
After the first year of marriage, both kinds of sexism began to decrease slowly. From the graphs, it appears that levels of sexism never became lower than they were when the participants were single, with one possible exception: By about five years after they had married, the men’s level of benevolent sexism may have been lower than it was just before they got married.
Why Did Both the Men and the Women Express More Hostile Sexism When They First Got Married?
The authors did not test any explanations for their findings, so they offered their best guesses. Remember that hostile sexism is believed to be rooted in “fears that women will gain power by exploiting men’s dependence in intimate relationships.” By marrying, men may have felt more committed to their wife, more obligated to her, and less free to leave the relationship. That could amplify their feelings of dependence and fear of losing power to their wife, which exacerbates their hostile sexism.
But why would women express more hostile sexism after they first got married? The authors suggested that women’s hostile sexism may have been aimed at other women they regarded as potential threats. They worry that other women are going to try to steal their husband, so they become sexist toward them in a hostile way.
Why Did Benevolent Sexism Change?
Men’s benevolent sexism did not change over the course of their single years, and it stayed steady during the first year after they married. Then it steadily decreased. In a benevolent sexist script, men get to be the heroes who protect and cherish their good and pure wife. After the first year of marriage, the authors suggest, the realities of romantic relationships set in. Maybe stress is increasing, and sex and satisfaction are decreasing. Wives get knocked off their pedestal.
One of the particularly interesting findings, I think, is that benevolent sexism increased among women when they first got married. They were more likely to agree that women should be put on a pedestal by their husband and cherished and protected. The authors suggest that at first, women may like the bargain that benevolent sexism entails: their own goals and careers take the back seat to their husband’s, but in return they get romantic relationship security. But then, because they’ve made that trade-off, they are especially invested in getting that “reverence and security,” and then especially disappointed “when partners (inevitably) fail to continually provide” it.
I wonder whether something else accounts for women’s embrace of benevolent sexism when they first get married. Marriage is often treated as one of the most important accomplishments in life, especially for women. They are validated, respected, and celebrated when they marry. Maybe at first, many newly wedded wives like that. They enjoy the view from their pedestals; they want to be cherished. It is only later, when the initial high of the wedding and the honeymoon and all the presents wears off, that they realize what they have given up by prioritizing their husband’s dreams and ambitions over their own.
Staying Single and Becoming Less Sexist
When the participants were single, in the years before they got married, both the men and the women were becoming less sexist in a hostile way and the women were also becoming less sexist in a benevolent way. Although there is no research as yet on the attitudes of people who are single at heart, my prediction is that both the men and the women would be especially unlikely to be sexist. The single at heart love being single and they are not organizing their life around a romantic partner. They are mostly free of the power dynamics of heterosexual romantic relationships. Single at heart men are not threatened by the power of women, and single at heart women aren’t worried about other women stealing the husband they don’t have. They are living their single lives fully and joyfully, without sacrificing their own goals and passions to a husband’s.
