Online dating profiles are simply advertisements created for the writer’s benefit. As with many ads, there is no way to know whether their information is truthful until you’ve become acquainted with their creator.
Most people do their best to describe themselves relatively accurately. Even if we assume 95 percent of profiles represent real people, you’re still left with many fakers. Most of these imposters are smoother online than many others.
Here are the top 5 red flags in men that mean he’s only going to waste your time:
1. He’s reluctant to meet
A healthy, emotionally available guy wants to meet you in person before considering whether he’s interested in a relationship with you. This is the only way to establish a true connection and solidify your feelings for each other.
My mantra is “No one is real until you meet in person.” Until then, you have no way of knowing whether you’ll enjoy each other’s company, let alone have the potential to form a real relationship.
2. He’s controlling off the bat
A man who pressures you to reveal increasingly personal information to continue a conversation is manipulative or worse. Don’t fall for it.
An emotionally healthy guy who wants to be in a relationship with you will respect your boundaries and need to move forward at a pace comfortable for you, as supported by an American Psychological Association analysis of trust in social relations.
3. He’s manipulative
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Walk away from a man who tells you he’s looking for serious love but insists he won’t meet you unless you assure him you will provide love.
Research from the Australian Journal of Psychology shows emotional manipulation works and is used by men who seek to use a woman to satisfy their own needs without considering hers.
Your main goal of meeting people online should be to meet in person to find out whether you have the potential for an authentic connection. It is best to do this sooner rather than later.
4. He belittles you by disguising it as a compliment
A man who compliments you then turns around and tells you he dislikes the thing he complimented is playing games like “negging”, as demonstrated in a 2017 study. If a man says you’re smarter than him and could crush him, he’s implying you should tone down your intelligence to please him.
An emotionally healthy man would feel no need to belittle you and would be drawn to your accomplishments.
5. He name-drops
Watch out for a man who says he knows the people you admire. It’s possible, but it could be the mark of a scammer trying to earn your trust.
One of my clients revealed she is into personal growth and the man with whom she was corresponding mentioned he knows several famous self-help authors and even misspelled one of their names! This is a sign of arrogance and is a red flag.
One of the ways to test a man to see if he’s a good guy is to see whether he respects your need for boundaries and privacy. If the situation seems forced and makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts.
A man who is truly interested in connecting will respect you when you say “no”.
Annie Gleason is a dating coach whose strategic dating advice has provided lasting love to hundreds of women.
