Estimates of the percentage of married men who cheat on their wives range from 25 percent to 75 percent, according to The Washington Post, and according to marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, 48 percent of men cheat because they’re emotionally dissatisfied, and 66 percent of men feel guilty about it.
After collecting more than 5,000 cases, conducting three Internet surveys, and writing three books, I can tell you this: often, buried in these horrible relationships laced with infidelity, there’s an extraordinary gift.
Here are 7 reasons loving a cheater may actually be good for you, according to research:
1. You realize there are bad people in the world
It’s time to take off those rose-colored glasses. All our lives, we hear cultural messages that “we’re all created equal” and “everybody has good inside.”Â
This is true for most people, but not all. Millions of sociopaths live among us, and they pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. (In fact, research says that roughly 3-5% of the population of America are sociopaths.)
2. You take stock of your vulnerabilities
Sociopaths hook you by targeting your vulnerabilities. If you’re human, you have vulnerabilities.Â
This doesn’t mean you’re weak; anything you desire, such as love or a family, can make you vulnerable. You need to know what your buttons are, so you can recognize if someone is pushing them.
3. You let everything out with a good cry
You, like many people, may have dealt with heartache by picking yourself up and moving on. You locked your heartache away in an internal closet, where it festered.Â
But when you’ve been involved with a sociopath, you’re so hurt and they’re so cold-hearted, that you cannot hold back the tears. And this is the first step towards healing.
Researchers at Harvard Medical School have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. So, let your tears flow!
Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels
4. You have an opportunity to process the pain of previous betrayals
Perhaps a prior husband or boyfriend also cheated on you. Perhaps you were abused as a child and you never dealt with the trauma.
You may discover that this new betrayal feels exactly like what you endured before. Let the tears flow for all the pain, and you’ll be well on your way to recovery.
5. You become less judgmental of others
If you were involved with a sociopathic cheater, you were deceived and manipulated. But still, you fell for it.Â
In the past, you may have wondered how people got themselves into such insane situations. Now you know that it can happen to anyone.
6. You learn to listen to your intuition
Most people betrayed by a sociopathic cheater have a gut feeling or instinct early on that there’s something wrong with the person or the relationship. Most people ignore it.Â
Your intuition will almost always warn you when someone is dangerous. After this painful experience, commit to listening to your instincts.
7. You can find a real relationship once you heal
It will take time to recover from profound betrayal. But if you permit yourself to heal, and commit yourself to doing the internal work required, you can come out of this experience healthier than ever, and ready for a truly rewarding relationship.
A relationship with a cheater is devastating. But I had two choices: fall completely apart, or work to recover.Â
Donna Andersen is a writer and author who offers advice on escape and recovery from sociopaths, psychopaths, or narcissists. She has appeared on TV shows like ABC 20/20 and The Ricki Lake Show, as well as in digital and print media publications like Psychology Today, Marie Claire, Thought Catalog, and Daily Mail.
