Back in 1996, I met and hastily married an Australian man who told me he was a successful and wealthy Hollywood producer and scriptwriter, and a founder of E! Entertainment television.
Everything was a lie, but I didn’t know it until far too late and I was married to him.
This con artist took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six different women, had a child with one of them, and then 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child.
When I filed for divorce, I accused my husband of marriage fraud. Three of the other women testified, plus the parents of the wife before me who died — did I mention that?
The judge ruled that my husband did indeed commit fraud. I was awarded the $227,000 my husband took from me, plus $1 million in punitive damages. I collected a total of $517. Although my husband took more than $1 million from the women I knew about, he blew it all.
Here are 3 crucial lessons I learned from marrying a con artist who stole $250,000 from me:
1. Millions of exploiters like my ex-husband live among us
Approximately 30 million adults in the United States could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, and psychopathic personality disorders, according to a study by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.
These people are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They are manipulators and exploiters who cannot authentically love — although they can be very good at faking it.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
2. These con artists are easy to spot when you know the warning signs
When sociopaths are on the prowl, they are usually charismatic and charming. They sweep you off your feet in a whirlwind romance.
They also try to make you feel sorry for them, and they blame others for all their problems. Learn the signs of a scammer, and you’ll be able to spot and avoid exploiters.
3. The best way to protect yourself is to listen to your intuition
We are all hardwired with an early warning system designed to protect us from predators, including sociopaths, con artists, and other people trying to take advantage of us.
Your body and instincts will tell you when you’re in danger through a gut feeling, a chill down your spine, sudden fear, or some other internal nudge. Trusting your gut is not only a good skill to have, but it can be necessary at times to keep you safe, says research from the Harvard Business Review.
Unfortunately, you probably were not taught to heed the warnings, but you can learn to pay attention to them. To protect yourself, all you have to do is listen to your instincts and act on the warnings.
Donna Andersen is a writer and author who offers advice on escape and recovery from sociopaths, psychopaths, or narcissists. She has appeared on TV shows like ABC 20/20 and The Ricki Lake Show, as well as in digital and print media publications like Psychology Today, Marie Claire, Thought Catalog, and Daily Mail.
