How to Navigate The Emotional Aftermath of Getting Scammed

You’d be correct if it feels like online scams are EVERYWHERE these days. And when the fraudsters manage to con you (it can happen to anyone) the emotional fallout can be devastating.

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), one in four Americans reported losing money to scams last year, amounting to a staggering $10 billion. Those numbers will likely be much higher when you consider cases that have gone unreported. The risk is practically inescapable.

While the financial toll of scams gets the most attention, the damage goes beyond pinched wallets and broken pride. “Many people underestimate how much a scam can affect one’s mental health unless they have experienced it firsthand,” says Holly Schiff, PsyD. “It’s also harder to quantify emotional distress versus financial loss,” she notes.

It Can Happen to You

Take this story from Texas retiree Leonid Shteyn. It started as an innocuous call from a saleswoman. When Shteyn answered his phone the day before Thanksgiving, he had no idea his life was about to change forever. 

The caller offered an opportunity to invest in cryptocurrency trading. Shteyn, a savvy businessman who immigrated from the Soviet Union decades ago, did his due diligence. Everything looked legit and above board. One of his friends was also their client. Shortly after, Shteyn opened an account with the company and deposited $250.

What began as a small, carefully considered investment to pad his nest egg spiraled into a labyrinth of financial smokescreens. At one point, Shteyn was asked to wire money to a Bank of America account to buy bitcoins, which he then used to pay off a line of credit he took out on their advice. “I would never make such payments to any other bank less reputable than Bank of America,” says Shteyn. “Not in my wildest dream would I have thought Bank of America would allow scammers to open and keep fraudulent accounts active,” he adds. 

By the time he caught on, Shteyn had lost over $250,000, nearly all of his life savings. 

“There are no words I can use to describe my state of mind,” says Shteyn. “You do not expect to question your own sanity. It felt like life was over,” he shares.

How Scams Typically Work

In a case like Shteyn’s the attackers first connect with potential targets through fake social media profiles, texts, or calls. They often spend weeks or even months building the relationship until trust is established—thereby making you believe that the situation (whether a crisis, an opportunity, or a relationship) is genuine.

Another widespread way people are scammed is via fraudsters impersonating an authority that is calling to tell you something is amiss with one of your accounts. This could be someone pretending to be your bank, from the social security agency, from a hospital etc. They prey on your concerns about the security of your accounts and get you to provide them with important personal information that they then use to steal from you.

“In psychology, we call this ‘confirmation bias.’ The victim is trapped so deeply in the confidence scheme that they convince themselves it is true,” explains Eric O’Neill, former FBI operative and cybersecurity expert.

Some of the most common scam types worthy of further research include:

• Imposter scams
• Pig-butchering scams
• Romance scams
• Payment app scams
• Online shopping scams
• Delivery scams
• Lottery scams
• Charity scams
• Robocall scams

The Emotional Impact of Being Scammed

Scams operate by exploiting deeply vulnerable feelings like trust, fear, and hope. So when scam survivors realize what has happened, they experience a whirlwind of intense emotions. These include:

Shock

When you first realize you’ve been deceived, the profound shock can manifest as disbelief or denial of what has happened. The sudden realization can also make you feel disoriented, temporarily impairing your ability to think clearly. 

“My world shattered when I uncovered the truth,” says Debbie Fox, who lost $58,000 in a romance scam last fall. 

“He presented seemingly legitimate documents. A U.S. passport, banking information, letters from a well-known international bank with watermarked letterhead backing the loans he claimed to need, and a loan agreement prepared by his so-called attorney from a prominent international law firm. His business website appeared legitimate, and I even verified that his business name was a registered entity, which filled me with a false sense of security,” Fox recalls. 

“The realization of his betrayal struck like a physical blow,” she shares. 

Anger

After the initial shock of being betrayed and violated subsides, anger seeps in. “Anger is a common response, often aimed at both the scammers and oneself for falling for deception,” says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC-based neuropsychologist.  

Shame

The anger frequently overlaps with feelings of shame and embarrassment, notes Dr. Hafeez. 

This misplaced shame goes hand-in-hand with self-blame, as most scam victims fault themselves for what happened to them. 

“I should have known something was wrong but was too hopeful,” says Alefiyah Johar, who lost nearly $150 in an online shopping scam while trying to buy shoes for her father, who suffers from foot pain. “It’s not a big scam but still, our hard-earned money was lost,” she adds.

Betrayal

Being deceived also upends a person’s sense of security at both personal and societal levels. “There can be a deep sense of betrayal and mistrust, not just toward the scam artists but also towards institutions or people who were expected to offer protection,” explains Dr. Hafeez.

For Fox, attempting to report the crime meant navigating layers of bureaucracy. “I faced roadblocks at every turn,” she says. In the end, “federal authorities claimed my loss, on its own, was not substantial enough for federal investigation unless it became part of a larger crime spree. The feeling of being dismissed and insignificant intensified my sense of injustice,” she shares. 

Hopelessness

“It’s common to feel like you’ve lost control over your life,” says Dr. Schiff. The possibility of not being able to recover your losses or bring the perpetrators to justice can add to the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.

“My wife and I felt defeated. There is no way to find these scammers,” says Shteyn, who has been waiting for an investigator to be assigned to his case for almost three months. Shteyn worries how he and his wife, who is also a retiree, will survive on a single social security income. “There is no worse thing that can happen to a person, especially someone my age,” he shares. 

Guilt

Another prevalent emotion is guilt, especially if the scam negatively impacted the victim’s family or friends as well, says Dr. Hafeez. 

‘Fraud shaming,’ the culture of blaming the victim instead of the criminal or crime, exacerbates this feeling. People may say things like “What were you thinking?”, “You should have known better” or “You should have been more careful” when a scam survivor tries to share their experience. This revictimization or fraud shaming adds insult to injury, compounding the shame, guilt, and humiliation.

“There is a stigma associated with being scammed, and [it] can make people hesitant to share their emotional struggles. This makes the emotional fallout become overlooked because it isn’t talked about,” says Dr. Schiff.

The Psychological Toll

Besides emotional distress, scam victims also experience several psychological repercussions. For example:

Stress And Anxiety 

“You don’t know who is holding your data and how it will be used, which may put you in a state of constant fear, panic, and anxiety,” says Dr. Schiff. It’s also natural to worry about being tricked again, which may lead to hypervigilance regarding finances and social interactions. 

Stress and anxiety may also manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, or panic attacks. 

Low Self-Esteem

Getting scammed can also impact a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

“People usually blame themselves for falling for a scam, which makes them question their judgment, abilities, and intelligence. Once you start questioning that, your self-esteem can take a hit as well,” explains Dr. Schiff. “Feeling taken advantage of can also undermine one’s self-confidence in their ability to control what happens to them,” she adds. 

Social Withdrawal

The emotional distress coupled with the stigma associated with being scammed can make scam survivors withdraw from family, friends, and coworkers. You may also be less trusting of others, which can make forming new connections challenging, says Dr. Schiff. In the long run, this can contribute to other mental health concerns, such as loneliness and depression.

Cognitive Distortions

“Getting scammed can make a person question their own judgment,” says Galligher. This may lead to cognitive distortions—irrational, negative thinking patterns that can distort your perception of reality. 

Those deceived may experience cognitive distortions like paranoia, jumping to conclusions, blowing things out of proportion (magnification), or overgeneralization. For example, whenever you get an email notification, you may assume it’s a phishing attempt without verifying it. Or, it might make you adopt a sweeping belief that no one can be trusted, which is an example of overgeneralization. 

Long-Termer Consequences

For some, the aftereffects may manifest as symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). With every reminder and exposure you have to the scam, you may get retraumatized, explains Dr. Schiff. Common symptoms of PTSD include recurring nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and frequent emotional outbursts. 

“Persistent anxiety and depression are also typical as victims continue to struggle with the financial and emotional repercussions of the scam,” says Dr. Hafeez. In turn, depression and anxiety feed guilt and low self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle.

Many survivors also experience chronic sleep issues, such as insomnia, which can further intensify their stress levels, notes Dr. Hafeez. 

All of these challenges can impact a person’s overall quality of life.

Coping Strategies For Healing and Recovery

In order to cope, it’s important to first acknowledge and accept your feelings. “Denying or suppressing these emotions can make them worse,” notes Dr. Schiff.

Also, consider these self-care strategies to help heal and recover from the aftermath of a scam:

• Don’t blame yourself: No matter what anyone says, do not blame yourself for what happened. Scammers are highly manipulative and have been using increasingly sophisticated tactics to target people. It’s not just fugitive Nigerian princes asking to wire money anymore. Even if you think there’s something you could have done differently, go easy on yourself. “It’s important to forgive yourself for any mistakes you might have made along the way,” says Galligher. 
• Focus on what you can control: You can’t control the fact that you were deceived, but you can control how you respond to the situation. “Focusing on what you can control can help you feel more empowered and proactive while reducing your stress and anxiety,” says Dr. Schiff. You can also control how you can better protect yourself in the future. 
• Try cognitive restructuring: Cognitive restructuring techniques help you identify negative, illogical thoughts (cognitive distortions) and modify or replace them with more helpful ones to reduce stress and anxiety. These include Socratic questioning, guided imagery, thought records, etc.
• Install speed bumps: Galligher suggests putting up mental speed bumps or guardrails for more considered decision-making. For example, saying “no” to situations that require you to “act now.” She also suggests asking a loved one to discuss situations like this together before making financial decisions above a certain threshold. 
• Connect with others: “Establishing a strong support system is important,” says Dr. Hafeez. She suggests reaching out to a loved one or joining a support group where you can talk about your feelings openly and honestly with others who have similar lived experiences.
• Don’t rush to trust: To rebuild trust, Dr. Hafeez recommends taking small, incremental steps. For example, establish clear boundaries and take your time before re-engaging in social interactions.
• Prioritize self-care: Stress is as physical as it is emotional. Taking care of your body and mind, especially during challenging times, acts as a buffer against life’s stressors, making it easier to cope, Dr. Schiff explains. So get proper rest, go for walks, eat balanced meals, and stay hydrated. And if it all feels too overwhelming right now, just take slow, deep breaths. You’ve got this.  
• Be patient with yourself: Emotional healing is not a linear process. Instead, it’s an ongoing journey with highs and lows. There will be days when you make great progress, just like there will be days when you experience setbacks and slip-ups. So be patient and kind to yourself and embrace both.
• Seek professional support: If heightened feelings of anxiety, anger, guilt, or shame are making it difficult to function or make healthy decisions, consider speaking with a therapist, Galligher advises. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is especially useful for managing symptoms of anxiety and PTSD, reframing negative thoughts, and developing effective coping mechanisms, says Dr. Hafeez.

Lastly, remember it’s normal to feel what you are feeling after experiencing a scam. You’re not alone.