By Rabbi Arnie Singer
When it comes to finding that ideal significant other, we follow dating advice that has us list our desired traits along with the drop-dead deal breakers we refuse to compromise on.
Some women go a bit overboard in the rejection department and write off potential matches for reasons that are short-sighted and irrelevant to a happy relationship. Remember, your goal is to be in a committed, happy relationship that will lead to marriage.
Don’t let your fear of rejection or your incredibly high expectations ruin your chances of landing a good guy. With that, here are five things you should never reject a guy over.
Here are 5 things you should never reject a husband over:
1. His clothing
On two separate occasions, I tried to set up women with men I suggested because they didn’t like the way they dressed. They felt the men weren’t “sharp” or cool enough for them.
Admittedly, they were clueless in the clothing department, but I told these women that I thought they were making a big mistake by rejecting these men who were both highly intelligent, successful professionals and nice guys — only based on their style (or lack thereof).
Of course, women love a man who knows how to dress, according to one study, but here’s the reason why it shouldn’t matter: Most men will gladly upgrade their wardrobe for the right woman. Most men would love for a woman to take them shopping and help them pick out clothes.
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They probably wouldn’t mind if you went shopping on your own and just brought them back stuff to wear. It’s that simple.
In most areas, you need to assume that a person will not change, and you must accept them as they are. Clothing style for men is not one of them. Once you’re in a relationship, you can style your man. So don’t reject a guy just because he can’t figure out what to wear.
2. His home furnishings
Similar to tastes in clothing, most guys do not have the sense of style necessary to furnish an apartment or home that doesn’t look like a college dorm room.
That’s where you come in if you end up living in the same house. Keep that in mind and look past the design disaster to see the real man.
3. His profession
Making a living and supporting a family is important. Being able to maintain a certain realistic standard of living is too. How a man accomplishes that feat is not.
Don’t judge a man by how he makes his money. Your goal should be to find a man who will be a loving and caring husband and father. The letters after his name should be irrelevant to your decision.
4. His social ‘coolness’
Some men aren’t the greatest when it comes to socializing. I’m not referring to a man who is socially awkward uncomfortably or creepily, I’m just talking about a guy who isn’t the social butterfly you think you need.
Well, if you marry him, you’ll have to be the social director and he will follow. Is that too big of a sacrifice for you in exchange for a good man who loves you?
5. His lack of verbal affection
There was a great article in The Wall Street Journal that talks about how some men show their love and affection through actions instead of words.
I know you want your man to serenade you with verbal expressions of his undying affection, but would you settle for a guy who washes the dishes, takes out the garbage, and buys you flowers regularly?
How about a guy who wakes up early on weekends to take care of the kids so you can sleep in? Actions speak louder than words. Go for the doer over the talker every time.
Arnie Singer is a writer, rabbi, marketer, and founder of IsraelAM, a daily Israel news email.
