For many women, the first week after a tough breakup goes a little something like this:
Hide under the covers. Sob uncontrollably. Play “I Will Survive” to feel empowered. Sob uncontrollably because you are single again.
Talk to your girlfriends and feel better. Take a shower. Repeat sequence.
The cycle eventually ends in reflection. We ask ourselves what went wrong and what part we played in the demise of our love affair. Well, it just may be one of these seven mistakes women make in relationships.
If you want a happier relationship, it’s time to drop these 7 habits fast:
1. Drunk-dialing
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If you’re upset at your partner, put down the wine and step away from the phone. Alcohol triggers deep-seated emotions that roar once the sweet nectar brushes our lips.
According to research, alcohol can affect your decision-making, and lead to many mistakes you’ll regret come morning.
Once inebriated, drunk dialing ensues. Like a clumsy boxer, you attack your lover verbally, slurring through the conversation. In the end, the relationship suffers.
2. Social media stalking
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Facebook has changed the way the world communicates. It also drives women to stalk their boyfriends online. If he hasn’t returned your phone call or text, you check his social media.
But ultimately, stalking his social media shows a lack of trust. No man wants to be with that woman.
Don’t do it for your ex either. According to data from Pew Research, 53% of social media users in the United States had used a platform to stalk their ex’s profile at least once. Maybe just take a break from social media.
3. Saying you’re ‘fine’ when you’re not
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Your boyfriend asks what’s wrong. You turn to him, shrug, and say, “I’m fine,” though you want to kick him for not remembering your birthday.
As women, we “I’m fine” men to death. We let our anger simmer for fear of rocking the boat or just because we want him to “figure it out.” This is an unhealthy tactic.
No matter what you fear or assume, you must communicate with your partner. If you don’t, then he will think everything is “fine.”
4. Ignoring blaring red flags
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Oftentimes, instead of ending a relationship, men call less, text less, and show up less. Still, we push for the relationship. We believe there is a chance for change because he hasn’t ended the relationship.
The thing is men hardly ever end relationships. They show us through actions, and in many cases… it’s their inaction that shows us they want out. That’s when we must stop fighting for a relationship that no longer exists.
5. Talking about/comparing exes
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Nothing kills a relationship faster than talking about your ex-boyfriend and comparing him to your current beau. This leads your partner to feel insecure, with good reason.
He doesn’t need to know that your ex was great in bed or that he was the one who got away. If you are still dwelling on your last boyfriend, you shouldn’t be with your new one.
6. Compromising on deal-breakers
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Women sacrifice themselves for the good of all. We are everything to everyone, forgetting about our needs and what makes us happy.
In romantic relationships, we suck it up and “compromise” on relationship deal-breakers because we are afraid of the consequences. We hold it in because we want to be the perfect girl. The thing is there is no such thing as perfect.
7. Nagging
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You tell him what’s wrong. Every minute of the day. That’s a big no-no! As women, we must give men time to process our feelings, especially when it’s a serious matter.
When we nag and push, men withdraw. They begin to see us as negative and that is so not attractive. So, speak your mind, give him space… and regroup once you are both ready to tackle the issues.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is a Latinx romance author and the Co-Founder of Corner of Press, a small and independent publishing house for and by BIPOC women.
