Many people view the notion of an “ideal” romantic relationship as having a single partner that satisfies all their love and intimate needs. Yet, others are also interested in expanding their intimate, emotional, and sexual experience beyond one partner.
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As infidelity and divorce rates are growing, a larger number of individuals see that total monogamy for a lifetime is very challenging. This is why today more partners are looking for a more flexible structure and arrangement when it comes to their intimacy and sexuality.
In addition, as technologies, options, and abundance amplify, modern intimate relationships become more complex. As such, it encourages some couples to investigate and experiment with alternatives to monogamy, traditional marriage, and conventional relationships.
What is a Non-monogamous Relationship?
A non-monogamous relationship with all its variations offers possibilities beyond the exclusivity of conventional intimacy. A non-monogamous relationship is a type of relationship where the partners agree that they can have sexual and/or romantic relationships with other people outside of their partnership. For the most part, they involve one primary relationship that you are more committed to, plus a few secondary ones that are less dominant or more sexual in nature.
Types of Consensual Non-monogamous relationships
Here are some common examples of open relationship structures:
Open Relationship
An open relationship is defined as a couple that has the openness and permission to have sex with whomever/whenever the couple is ok with.
Open Marriage
A married couple agrees that one or both partners can have additional sexual partners outside the marriage. In this arrangement, the marriage remains the core relationship.
Lifestyle Couple or Swingers
A lifestyle couple is typically defined as a couple in a committed relationship that has sex with others. Generally, both partners in the relationship will swap spouses with another couple and will exercise sex with other committed partners. Many times, in this type of relationship, engagement with others does not encourage emotional intimacy.
Polyamory
Polyamory is defined as consent to practice intimacy and romantic love with more than one partner at the same time. While there are variations in this relationship style, generally, polyamorous relationships involve a commitment to multiple partners.
Polyfidelity
Polyfidelity is a “group marriage” model, essentially the same as being married—except you are married to more than one person. Those who are involved live together, share finances, children, family, and household responsibilities, and are committed and exclusive to each other. Polyfidelity can take the form of multiple partners that are a closed group and don’t have other partners outside their polyfidelitous relationship. It can also take the form of solo polyamory, when one person has multiple partners but doesn’t want to cohabit or raise a family together as a polyamorous group.
Monogamish
Mostly monogamous with occasional agreed-upon sexual encounters outside the relationship. It might also be that one partner has permission to have other casual encounters, while the other partner remains monogamous.
Relationship Anarchy
Rejecting hierarchies and rules in relationships, allows each to develop organically. No distinct lines are drawn between various relationships — they can be sexual, romantic, or platonic.
Casual Sex or Hookups
Allowing casual sexual encounters outside the primary relationship.
Emotional Non-monogamy
Permitting emotional intimacy with others, but not necessarily sexual contact.
Each type of relationship above has its own set of boundaries and agreements. As there is not a distinct line between the various forms of non-monogamous relationships, I like to think of it as a continuum and at times overlapping.
The importance of honesty and communication
For an open relationship to be successful, couples have to have a healthy foundation and a high level of trust. Communication, consent, and honesty are crucial in all forms of open relationships. The relationship dynamics require difficult conversations to understand each other’s sensitivities, feelings, needs, anxieties, worries, fears, and attachment styles.
Clarity of needs helps couples understand each other. It helps develop an agreement about how to navigate non-monogamy, while having proper safety and protection for both the individuals and the relationship as a whole. Often these agreements dynamically evolve and become freer as comfort and ambivalence diminish. With honest clear communication and agreement in place, individuals may feel more daring and more confident and secure in their relationships.
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Conclusion
Love is not one-size-fits-all. There are many different types of relationships, and one isn’t necessarily better than the rest, provided that both you and your partner are on the same page. You should both be safe, comfortable, and curious about seeing other people, but still want to maintain your own partnership and have real, honest feelings for each other.
If you consider opening your relationship, you have to decide for yourself what kind of relationship you want and what works for you and your partner. You have to know yourself and your partner and be willing to explore and dive deeper into the unknown. It is also important to understand that this experiential process is evolving and that you can change your mind at any moment. Since there are a lot of nuances involved, this type of relationship will only work if you’re both totally honest with yourself and with each other and have solid communication skills. Remember, it’s your life. It’s your partnership. Most importantly, it’s your relationship with yourself.
