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Anger. It’s a complicated emotion. One of the hardest, I think, for many of us to understand or learn how to deal with appropriately. But as we navigate this complex terrain, we can find guidance from wise sages throughout history who have offered insights on how to navigate our anger and that of others.
- Mark Twain: “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
- Confucius: “When anger rises, think of the consequences.”
- Aristotle: “Anybody can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way. That is not within everyone’s power and is not easy.”
- Buddha: “You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.”
Anger: Just an Emotion
Anger is simply an emotion. It’s neither inherently good nor bad. We see it even in young children. They get angry, but that doesn’t make them bad—or evil. It’s just an emotion they’re experiencing. The negative consequences arise when we express our anger inappropriately—verbally, physically, or in any other harmful way—or when we hold onto it for too long, causing us distress or illness.
The Consequences of Uncontrolled Anger
Uncontrolled anger is the opposite of what Aristotle advised. It’s about reacting without thought or reflection. One of the most significant consequences of uncontrolled anger is damage to relationships. It’s one thing to express anger towards a flaky and procrastinating co-worker, but it’s quite another when it’s directed at loved ones. Lashing out at a spouse or partner because of something they did can create deep wounds that are difficult to heal.
When anger leads to hurtful words or actions towards someone we love, it also damages our self-image. It creates a sense of self-loathing and makes it challenging to forgive ourselves. It’s far better to walk away and choose not to engage in anger, whether it’s with a loved one or a stranger.
The Suffering Caused by Uncontrolled Anger
When the dust settles after an angry outburst, we’re often left with feelings of regret and shame. We question who we are and the kind of person we’ve become. Uncontrolled anger leads to suffering, not just for others, but for ourselves too. That’s why it’s crucial to develop the skills to manage our anger.
Repressed Anger: A Hidden Danger
Another consequence of mishandling anger is suppressing it and not letting it go. Repressed anger can lead to anxiety, stress, and even physical health problems. It’s like carrying a burning torch; you’re the one who gets burned. We need to find healthy ways to express our anger instead of bottling it up.
Anger as a Catalyst for Change
While anger can be destructive, it can also be a powerful force for positive change. Think of historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mahatma Gandhi. Their anger at injustice fueled their actions and led to significant societal transformations.
In our own lives, anger can motivate us to make changes, stand up for ourselves or others, or contribute to making the world a better place. It can be the catalyst that pushes us to leave a toxic situation, speak up against oppression, or pursue personal growth.
Aristotle’s Wisdom
Aristotle’s words are worth repeating: “Anybody can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way. That is not within everyone’s power and is not easy.”
It’s easy to react in anger, but it takes effort and self-control to express it appropriately. We need to be mindful of our words and actions, ensuring that our anger doesn’t lead to harm or suffering.
The Importance of Self-Control
When we’re under the influence of alcohol or other substances, it becomes even more challenging to control our anger. It’s crucial to avoid discussing sensitive issues or confronting someone we’re angry with when we’re not sober.
Remember, there’s nothing inherently wrong with anger itself. It’s how we handle it that matters. We have a choice in how we respond to anger, and it’s essential to choose a path that leads to healing and growth, not suffering.
Conclusion
Anger can be a destructive force, but it can also be a powerful catalyst for change. The key is to understand and manage our anger in healthy ways. By choosing kindness, compassion, and self-control, we can ensure that our anger doesn’t lead to suffering for ourselves or others.
As Mark Twain wisely said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Let’s choose to be vessels of love and understanding, not anger and resentment.
