Why is Being a Mom So Hard?
Motherhood is commonly portrayed as a magical, wondrous, fulfilling time, when you see the world through your child’s eyes and have a new sense of purpose. While all that can be true, it’s also true that being a mom is hard, and being a single mom can be harder.
The reality is that moms face just as many complex, challenging days as they do sweet, happy ones. Sometimes, both even happen on the same day. Motherhood is hard for many reasons. Understanding why you’re struggling is an important step in finding the right coping tools.
Postpartum anxiety and depression
While postpartum mental health issues like depression and anxiety are common — research suggests around 1 in 7 women will experience postpartum depression (PPD) during or after pregnancy — it’s not talked about nearly enough. Being a new mom is challenging enough on its own. When you add in a clinical concern like depression or anxiety, the pressure for a new mom can feel insurmountable.
Postpartum depression (PPD)
Symptoms of PPD can include:
- Extreme sadness
- Frequent crying
- Low energy
- Guilt
- Anxiety
- Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- Difficulty bonding with or trouble caring for your baby
Although it’s rare, an extreme form of postpartum depression, known as postpartum psychosis (PPP), can occur in some women. PPP is much more severe than PPD and requires immediate medical attention. Women with PPP can experience hallucinations, have false beliefs, and exhibit manic behavior.
Postpartum anxiety (PPA)
In addition to PPD, many women experience postpartum anxiety (PPA), which can be just as challenging. Symptoms of PPA can include:
- Excessive worry or fear
- Restlessness
- Racing thoughts
- Physical symptoms such as dizziness, hot flashes, and nausea
- Irritability
- Sleep disturbances
- Difficulty focusing or making decisions
It’s important for new moms to recognize these symptoms and seek help when needed. Postpartum anxiety can be managed with support from healthcare providers, counseling, and sometimes medication.
The expectation vs. reality gap
Because we’ve been fed an idealized version of motherhood for so long, when the daily realities of parenting don’t align with the polished version we expect, it can lead to disappointment, confusion, and feelings of inadequacy. The truth is, every mom has ups and downs. Realizing this is critical for your mental health and well-being.
Juggling multiple roles and responsibilities
Today’s modern moms face the daunting task of trying to balance everything from career ambitions to family obligations while looking put together, well-rested, and happy. Juggling the demands of motherhood can be an almost impossible feat. It can lead to high levels of stress and, eventually, burnout.
Setting realistic expectations and prioritizing tasks can help decrease stress and ensure you can get through every day. To alleviate some of the pressure of being a working mom, ask for support from family, friends, or community resources.
The constant pressure of making the right choices
The constant pressure to make the “right” choice for a child can be exhausting, especially for new moms. From dietary decisions, to what schools you look at, to the social experiences you expose your child to, mothers are inundated daily with what might feel like life-and-death situations that have incredibly heavy consequences.
“Lower that bar early. Expectations can be so hard to fulfill and with motherhood, flexibility is key. Riding out changes and staying the course can help. When we feel like we aren’t enough we don’t give ourselves room for growth and optimism. Call in the support, stay connected and remember to pour into yourself, in order to stay engaged in possibilities instead of feeling like you need to be more. You are more than enough and at times it’s important to root for yourself by building confidence and self esteem to show your kids and yourself that you are more than equipped to meet their needs.”
Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, and that doesn’t mean you’ll do everything perfectly or make the right decision every time. Give yourself grace and remember that children are resilient; if you’re trying, they will be OK.
Continuous lack of sleep and its impacts
Sleep deprivation is a hallmark rite of passage for new parents, but it’s harmful. Chronic lack of sleep can affect cognitive function and emotional regulation. It can also impact overall physical health, making every other aspect of parenting more challenging.
If possible, share nighttime responsibilities with a partner or someone else who can help. Whenever you can, find time to rest, especially in the early days, as you adjust to your new routine and try to get your baby on a schedule.
The challenge of consistent parenting and discipline
Being consistent is a difficult aspect of parenting, especially when it comes to discipline. A lot of the time, it would be much easier to just let things go, but that’ll end up hurting you in the long run more often than not. Good, consistent parenting requires patience, a calm demeanor, and resolve. Because children thrive on consistency, your dedication will pay off, even when the effort of adhering to the right parenting style wears you out.
Judgment from others
Most moms can relate to the feeling of being judged. Whether real or perceived, judgment can be a significant source of stress for mothers. Unintending family members, friends, or even strangers on social media can make you feel like you’re doing an inadequate job. Building confidence and tuning out unsolicited advice is crucial for your emotional resilience.
Dealing with isolation and loss of social life
Motherhood can be very isolating at times. Feeling cut off from support networks or not getting the adult interaction you’re used to can be lonely. Finding or creating a community of other moms or parents ensures you get the socialization you’re craving. Having a support system also gives you a healthy outlet for sharing experiences, reminding you that you’re not alone.
“Motherhood is a ride like no other. It tests your emotional resilience and stamina so differently than what we might expect. At times, the need for giving, compromise, and sacrifice is unrelenting testing your ability to overlook your own needs. Take stock of what you need, in terms of what gives you light, emotional oxygen, and also fun! It can be too easy to feel alone, unconnected, and also unfamiliar with who you are when you are always supporting others.”
