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Just as alcoholism is a stigmatized health condition, being a non-drinker also carries a stigma. According to research, abstaining from alcohol can lead to negative social consequences, and can even be viewed as “deviant” or unusual behavior, especially in situations where other people are drinking. Choosing not to drink in a social drinking environment takes courage, whether you have a drinking problem or are simply deciding to abstain to optimize your health.
Studies show that those who opt for a non-alcoholic beverage in social situations where drinking is an option often feel the need to “legitimize” their decision or provide reasons that other people will accept as “valid,” such as religious or health-related restrictions. Some cope with the stigma attached to being a non-drinker by hiding the fact that they’re not drinking, for example by ordering mocktails, while others might avoid situations where there could be social pressure to drink.
Why are people who drink judgmental toward those who choose not to?
Scientists interviewed drinkers about their attitudes and feelings toward people who abstained from alcohol in social situations, and they found that there were three themes that summarized the way non-drinkers were perceived:
- Threat to fun: Drinkers felt that those who weren’t drinking might judge them negatively, making them feel self-conscious. This would detract from the fun social vibe shared amongst those who were drinking.
- Threat to connection: Drinkers found it difficult to connect socially with those who were not drinking. This could create an unpleasant awkward feeling.
- Threat to self: Being around a non-drinker prompted those who were drinking to engage in “unwanted self-reflection” about problematic aspects of their own drinking.
In other words, when people are drinking, being around individuals who aren’t can make them feel self-conscious about their own relationship with alcohol, and that can kill some of the fun.
Stand firm and do what you need to stay healthy, regardless of the “sober stigma”
If you or a loved one is actively trying to reduce or stop drinking alcohol completely, remember that it is normal to feel a little uncomfortable when you’re turning down someone who offers you a drink in a social situation. Remind yourself that the reasons someone might react in a way that appears judgmental when you don’t join in and drink with them is because of how it makes them feel about themselves.
Manage self-disclosure
You don’t have to explain yourself and your decisions about drinking to everyone you socialize with. According to one study, non-drinkers had the best experience with self-disclosure when the benefits of sharing that they were intentionally abstaining from alcohol outweighed the risks. These benefits, when being open with certain people, included: (1) inspiring other people, (2) maintaining one’s sobriety, and (3) building close relationships.
Don’t do it alone
For people who avoid or withdraw from situations where there might be social pressure to drink, the lifestyle changes involved with reducing or quitting drinking can feel very lonely or isolating. For this, among other reasons, having a strong social support system is an important part of the addiction recovery process, and studies have shown that people with support have increased chances of long- term success.
I cover this important topic in more depth on my podcast and in my new book, Addiction: What Everyone Needs to Know.
