Learning how to tell if a guy likes you and recognizing his body language can be one of the most important skills in your dating arsenal.
On a good date, you’ll have surefire proof he’s into you, and on a less-than-great date, you’ll be saved from potential embarrassment or even clued into the fact that he’s not worth a second drink.
Instinctively, you know that a guy’s facial expressions, gestures, and mannerisms are windows into his mind and emotional state. But deciphering all these cues can be daunting or downright maddening.
You’re already at a disadvantage. Studies have shown that you’re not as good at reading expressions as you think you are, not to mention that the culture you grew up in can influence the way you read expressions.
Every person has his or her own set of body clues, and putting them together can be a lot like solving a jigsaw puzzle. Still, it’s always a good idea to arrive armed with basic knowledge.
Body Language ‘Tells’ That Reveal Exactly How A Man Feels About You
5 Body language ‘tells’ that signal a man loves you:
1. He gives you long periods of sustained eye contact
2. He moves or leans in closer to you
3. He occasionally looks down and away out of shyness or nervousness
4. He keeps his arms relaxed and uncrossed
5. He gives you real, genuine smiles, as opposed to fake smiles which are mouth-only
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5 negative body language tells that signal he’s not that into you:
1. He keeps moving or leaning away from you
2. His feet stay pointed away from you or toward an exit
3. He keeps his arms and/or legs crossed for long periods
4. He continually rubs or scratches his nose, eyes, or the back of his neck
5. He keeps looking away from you, with his eyes going to the side (as opposed to down)
The key to reading nonverbal signals correctly is context; reading body signals isn’t a matter of black and white.
Nonverbal communication makes up the majority of communication, with studies showing it makes up almost 90% of it.
Just because he crosses his arms doesn’t mean he’s thinking about dumping you. Did you just share a giant platter of Indian food?
Then maybe that arm-cross just means he has indigestion. Maybe he has allergies, so he’s constantly scratching his nose. Or maybe he’s super nervous, so he’s looking down and avoiding your gaze.
If you see one of the negative tells in the list above, it’s a good idea to ask a subtle question or two, like “Are you getting a cold? There’s a brutal one going around…” to see if your initial read was right. Just remember to avoid slapping too much meaning on a single behavior.
Look for pairings of multiple cues to give you a firm sense of whether your instincts are on target. In general, anything that indicates “more chances to touch” is a very good sign, like if he grasps your forearm, grazes your cheek, or gently puts his hand on your waist.
Other good signs are if he stands taller around you, laughs at your jokes, says something funny, and then immediately looks to you for a reaction, or positions himself between you and a crowd of people, in a protective stance.
1. Be aware of a physical pulling away
If he’s giving signs that he’s trying to put actual distance between the two of you, don’t start picking out China patterns just yet.
Any form of obstacle he puts in the way of being with you — be it leaning backward, tensing his face, or looking over your head at whoever just walked in — is a way of telling you he’s not worth the effort.
2. Don’t read too much into his body language
You don’t want to drive yourself crazy trying to interpret whether his lack of eye contact means he’s disinterested or if he’s simply nervous to be on a date with you.
At the end of the day, his eye contact and gestures can say all they want, but if he calls the next day and asks when he can see you again, then you have all the answers you need.
3. Your body language may be informing his
As if all this wasn’t enough to drive you half insane, remember that he isn’t the only one giving off nonverbal cues — you’re doing it as well. Every time you gesture or touch your face or body, you’re sending a message, often without realizing it.
While men and women have slightly different body language, the same rules that apply to his nonverbal cues go for you, too.
Melissa Lafsky is the former editor of the New York Times’s Freakonomics blog. She has written for the New York Times, the New York Observer, the Christian Science Monitor, and other publications.
