When it comes to falling in love, you don’t know who you’ll end up in a relationship with. You may fall in love or marry someone with different backgrounds, beliefs, or ideologies.
Many people believe that opposites attract, despite some studies revealing that birds of a feather actually tend to “flock together.” So, if you’re in love with an opposite, can you learn how to love and have a healthy relationship when you and your spouse come from completely different worlds?
If you are considering a relationship with someone with very different cultural, traditional, religious, or another major diversity in background and thinking, or are currently involved in such a relationship, the following concepts will help the two of you succeed.
Five habits of couples who thrive in ‘Opposites Attract’ relationships:
1. They’re curious about each other
Adopt an attitude of curiosity regarding their beliefs.
Learn as much as you can about the differences between you. Compare their outlook to your own and discuss what contributed to how you look at things and how that may differ from their experience.
Ask lots of questions without judgment, and learn all that you can.
Even if you come from similar backgrounds, you may still discover differences you did not expect.
2. They’re honest with each other
You may learn things that are quite different than what you expected.
You may find that you need to think about and discuss certain issues to solve problems.
This may include things like dietary habits that prohibit certain foods that have been a constant in your diet, differences in parenting and discipline, very divergent views on medical practices, or celebration of religious holidays.
3. They are compassionate and understanding of the other’s differences
If something seems odd, different, or even weird to you, be very careful about passing judgment or doing or saying things that would indicate that you are passing judgment.
Most of us have values, beliefs, and traditional practices that have been part of our lives from birth.
While we may not fully understand the reason for a particular belief or practice, it may very well be your partner’s long-held and cherished tradition.
Andrii Drachuk | Shutterstock
4. They run interference when needed.
If either of you finds family members struggling with your decision to be with this person because of these differences, you must be prepared to address it.
Many families have long-held traditions. Several family gatherings may involve these traditions over the course of a year.
In a study published in an issue of the American Psychological Association’s (APA) Journal of Family Psychology, family traditions find that they are associated with marital satisfaction — and may even contribute to boosting your sense of personal identity and building stronger family relationships.
But traditions aren’t one size fits all, and if, for some reason, your spouse is uncomfortable or unable to participate in a family tradition, be sure you have come to terms with it.
Then ask your family to accept it as well, and to withhold your spouse’s judgment.
Ask them to respect your decision to choose this person and the differences.
5. They listen to their inner voice
If you are in the decision-making process regarding continuing a relationship with someone with whom you share many differences, ask yourself a few simple questions:
- Can I do this? Think through your differences, and determine if you think you can live with the areas in which you are different.
- Is there anything you can’t accept? You need to determine if there are any areas of difference between you that you would not be able to compromise or live with.
- How would your differences affect parenting? Are there any differences in your thinking or beliefs that would create continual conflict?
- Can you deal with family? Does either family have expectations of change that one of you cannot live up to? Are you both prepared to deal with the challenges presented by your own family?
In previous generations, the advent of major world wars and conflicts brought together couples from completely different cultures and often resulted in successful marriages that crossed many cultural divides.
In our current world, many other avenues are available to help develop relationships across cultural, religious, ethnic, and traditional divides.
With the right amount of sensitivity, curiosity, honesty, openness, acceptance, care, and mutual respect, those divides need not stand in the way of a successful relationship and marriage.
Drs. David and Debbie McFadden are a husband-and-wife team specializing in helping struggling and distressed couples throughout the US and Canada.
