Getting cheated on is horrible, especially when you’re blindsided by it. If you notice some changes in your partner’s routine, it might be time to get a little suspicious.
We asked a therapist to share signs a spouse is cheating, and here are the 10 dead giveaways:
1. Short and brief about his day
Is your husband’s communication getting shorter by the day? If he’s not forthcoming about his day and you feel that he is being short and brief about it, you may need to ask him to elaborate.
If you feel like there is something that he’s not telling you then you’re probably right.
2. Lack of intimacy
Are your late-night encounters nonexistent? Is kissing and close contact becoming more sparse?
There can be several reasons for the lack of affection in your marriage. According to the New York Times, the reasons can include depression, medication, stress, and yes, even cheating.
If you initiate intimate contact and your husband pushes you away, something is going on with your relationship that is a cause for concern.
3. Talking less on the phone
Are your routine phone calls no longer routine? Are you talking less on the phone? Is this happening more during or after work hours?
If the usual talk during lunch and then from home is not happening, find out why. Is it temporary or has this been going on for months now?
4. Late office hours
The hubby never had late office hours before but now, for the past few months, it’s more frequent and he’s too busy to answer the phone.
He also doesn’t want you to contact his receptionist or the main office. Why has this recently changed?
5. Cell phone
Is he hiding his cell phone? Is there a new password on it that wasn’t there before? Is the ringer on silent and if he looks at the phone he doesn’t tell you who it is and walks away?
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Are text messages automatically deleted? If your husband’s behavior has changed when using his phone, then this could be a sign that something is going on and it’s not involving you.
6. More nights out
Is your husband going out more than he has in the past? Is it more frequent?
Are these friends that you have never met or heard of before? Is he coming home late at night or not talking about how his night went? If your gut is telling you something is up then go with it, you’re probably right.
7. Hiding the credit card bill
Is your husband paying the credit card bill and not showing you what was charged? Are there more frequent ATM withdrawals than there have been in the past?
If you don’t know where he is spending his money, then how do you know he’s telling the truth?
Financial infidelity is a big problem in marriages. A 2024 Bankrate survey found that 42% of people keep money secrets from their spouses.
8. Going out with friends more
Is your husband going out with his friends more than he goes out with you? If your husband isn’t inviting you out and chooses to go out more often with his friends than before you should start to talk.
9. Communication has changed
Does your husband not ask you about your day anymore or what’s new with you?
When he comes home from work he starts to do his own thing and ignore you making you feel like you’re not there. There’s a reason for this and you should start asking why.
10. More effort into his clothes and looks
Your husband has recently acquired a new wardrobe dressing up dandier and is getting his hair trimmed more often. He’s also wearing a new cologne, and you know that you didn’t buy it for him.
Has he started putting more effort into the way he looks especially in a pattern? For example, when going to work or going out with his new friends or while on a business trip?
Be mindful that one of these signs is NOT an ABSOLUTE that your husband is cheating. However, if you start adding the signs up and you have a gut feeling that is telling you that something is going on, you need to address it. Your marriage depends on it.
Shelley Skas, LCPC, is a professional counselor who helps individuals and families using evidence-based therapy programs.
