Did you know there are definite personality traits that are typical of a person who abuses?
Some of these traits can look like low self-esteem, abandonment issues, and frequent oversensitivity, the Connection For Abused Women & Their Children reports.
While not every abuser falls under this profile, here are five typical warning signs that the person you’re with doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Here are 5 signs your partner is probably not a good person:
1. They start fun, exciting, and charismatic
This person will zoom into your life at high speed. They will sweep you off your feet. You won’t have any thoughts but intense levels of romance, love, and adventure.
They will probably be on the top of the list of any other date you’ve ever been on. They are first class in their choices, and even though you may have told them “no” at first, they will never, ever take your “no” as an answer.
2. You feel safe and protected at first
You will think you are saved. There is no dragon that they won’t slay for you. They “zero in” on you and promise that you are the one for them, possibly within a few days or weeks of meeting.
3. You begin to notice slight changes in their personality
Once you buy into their message, you might start noticing subtle lies or stories that just don’t add up.
They begin to show signs of anger at the slightest provocation. You will especially notice this when they are behind the wheel of their car. They are nasty there and express that others’ mistakes are personally directed at them.
Karolina Kaboompics / Pexels
4. They begin to demand all of your attention
They need you to be available when they want you yet might abandon you when you need them.
They begin to make fun of you, call you names, or inflict little digs in the form of hostile humor. You begin to feel awkward and controlled around them. They might threaten to withdraw from you if you don’t comply with their wishes.
5. They take no responsibility for their actions
They blame others, things, circumstances, and especially you for their behavior and circumstances. They may give you wonderful gifts but there are always strings attached. They start isolating you from your friends and family.
At this point in the relationship, you begin feeling confused. The main underlying emotion when you are in a relationship with an abuser is confusion.
When I work with clients and they begin to say the word “confusion” time after time when describing a certain relationship, I know to assess for an abusive situation.
If you are in a physically abusive relationship, the number one goal should be to get safe. Do not think you can change them or do things well enough to make things better.
Remember, it takes an average of 7 times for a victim to finally leave their abuser, reports statistics from the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County.
In all likelihood, this person will never change whether you are in their life or not. You must get safe if you are receiving any touch that is not given in love, respect, or dignity. Pushing, shoving, and hitting are not acceptable for any reason.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you’ve done wrong.
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Trudy Johnson is a certified trauma specialist who works with many women through brief intensive therapy.
