My friends and I gathered around the table, catching up after what felt like forever. For others, the drinks were flowing—and for me, there was a familiar feeling: a little voice in the back of my mind that said, “A drink would make this so much more fun.”
I caught myself and laughed. “I see you there, happiness trap.”
You see, for the longest time, I had always believed that alcohol is what makes these moments special, what brings extra sparks of joy to these gatherings. But four and a half years into sobriety, I’ve come to recognize that I wasn’t missing out on anything worth having as I sipped on my signature alcohol-free drink. The joy I felt in that moment was real and long-lasting—the connection, the laughter, and the shared memories we were creating.
But why did I once believe so strongly that without alcohol, I’d never be as happy as I would have been with it?
The Psychology of Craving: How Beliefs Drive Temptation
This belief, which many other people share, all comes down to the story we tell ourselves about alcohol.
Here’s how it works. From a psychological perspective, temptations are closely linked to what we call “perceived benefits.” These are the things we believe alcohol will do for us—like making us happier, helping us relax, or improving our social experiences.
In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), we learn that these beliefs are powerful drivers of our emotions and behaviors. The belief that alcohol makes you happy creates a strong urge or craving because your mind associates drinking with a positive outcome.
The wonderful news is that beliefs are not fixed; they’re just interpretations of our experiences. In other words, the benefits we perceive alcohol to have aren’t necessarily rooted in reality. Like all beliefs, they can be questioned and changed.
When you begin to question the validity of your belief—such as asking yourself if alcohol really makes you happier—you open the door to change. If you replace the belief with something new, perhaps even more accurate, like “Alcohol dampens my mood,” the temptation to drink is likely to weaken on its own.
CBT teaches us that by changing our beliefs, we have the power to change our experience. Put differently, by shifting your beliefs, you can reduce, or even remove, the desire to drink, and ultimately make saying “no” to a drink a heartfelt choice.
The Origins of the Belief: “Alcohol Makes Me Happy”
To shift beliefs, we first need to understand where a belief comes from. It’s important to acknowledge that the belief that “alcohol makes me happy” doesn’t just appear out of nowhere—it’s rooted in real experiences and observations.
Think about those times when a drink seemed to add a spark of joy—maybe it’s watching your parents loosen up and have a great time after a few drinks as a young kid, or it’s when you laugh until your stomach hurts during a college party after a couple of beers. These experiences create a strong emotional link between alcohol and happiness.
The belief is further cemented by media portrayals—commercials, movies, and TV shows often depict alcohol as a central component of joyful occasions. We have all seen advertisements that portray people having the time of their lives while drinking—whether it’s a group of friends at a beach bonfire or a couple celebrating with champagne.
These repeated messages from various sources strengthen the belief, making it feel like an undeniable truth. But just because something feels true doesn’t mean it is true.
The Reality Check: Does Alcohol Really Bring Joy?
Let’s think about those moments after the initial buzz of alcohol wears off. How often have you found yourself feeling down the next day, wondering where all the joyful feelings went? If alcohol truly adds to your happiness, wouldn’t that joy last beyond the night, rather than vanish before the sunrise? How come, for many, the fleeting high is often replaced by lingering lows—the middle-of-the-night anxiety, the morning-after regrets, the tears from broken promises, drunk fights, or even fatal accidents?
It might make you start to wonder: Perhaps all that alcohol offers is a temporary euphoria at best, not the long-lasting happiness that you deeply long for.
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