Benefits of Self-Advocacy and How to Stand Up For Yourself

We’ve all done it—stayed silent instead of speaking up, whether it’s at work, in our relationships, or even among our friends. We let things slide because we prefer to keep the peace and avoid making a fuss. But what if, in doing so, we’re actually giving away our power?

We let one or two things go, and suddenly we find that our opinions are being dismissed and our needs are being ignored. Instead of feeling respected and valued, we feel like we’re being used or taken for granted.

This can happen when we don’t stand up for ourselves. It’s important that we advocate for our needs and wants, to ensure that our voice is acknowledged and our boundaries are respected, says Heather Hagen, MS, LMFT, Executive Director of Clinical Outpatient Services at Newport Healthcare.

In this article, we explore the importance of self-advocacy and ask the experts for some strategies to help us build our confidence and stand up for ourselves.

Understanding the Importance of Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy is important for several reasons:

• Empowers us: Self-advocacy empowers us to stand up for ourselves and ensure our needs are met. It’s essential that we voice our needs and beliefs, even if it’s scary or uncomfortable, says Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor.
• Fosters respect: When we respect and honor ourselves, we teach others that they must be considerate and respectful toward us too. Otherwise, when we let our own needs be ignored, we show others that it’s acceptable to treat us poorly.
• Improves communication: Self-advocacy requires us to communicate our needs clearly and assertively, so that there is no doubt or confusion about our wishes.
• Encourages healthy boundaries: Not standing up for ourselves allows people to take advantage of our passivity or disregard our boundaries, says Hagen. Self-advocacy can help us establish and maintain clear boundaries in our relationships, leading to healthier and more equitable dynamics.
• Builds confidence: Speaking up for ourselves boosts our self-esteem and reinforces our sense of self-confidence.
• Prevents resentment: When we fail to stand up for ourselves, our needs and opinions can be overlooked, leading to frustration and resentment, Hagen explains. By voicing our concerns, we avoid bottling up our frustrations.
• Reduces stress: When others ignore our needs, we often have to work harder to get them met, which can be difficult and stressful.

Building Self-Confidence

We know that speaking up for yourself isn’t easy! Building the confidence to stand up for yourself is a crucial step toward personal empowerment and assertiveness, says Cruz. Self-confidence empowers you to express your needs, opinions, and boundaries without fearing rejection or conflict, Hagen adds.

Here are some strategies that can help you build your confidence so you can self-advocate:

• Know your worth: Start by recognizing your value and the importance of your needs and opinions. Take pride in your strengths, achievements, and what you bring to the table.
• Educate yourself: The more you know about your rights, the situation you’re in, or the topic at hand, the more confident you’ll feel in advocating for yourself. Remember, knowledge is power.
• Visualize success: Picture yourself confidently advocating for your needs and imagine the positive outcomes as a result. Visualization can help reduce your anxiety and build your confidence.
• Practice assertiveness: Practice expressing your thoughts and needs clearly and calmly. You can begin by advocating for yourself in smaller, less intimidating situations. As you experience success, your confidence will grow, making it easier to tackle more challenging scenarios.
• Use positive self-talk: Hagen recommends using positive self-talk or affirmations, to help you feel stronger and more powerful.
• Reflect on past successes: Think about times when you successfully advocated for yourself. Remembering these moments can reinforce your ability to do it again.
• Learn from setbacks: If things don’t go as planned, use the experience as a learning opportunity instead of seeing it as a failure. Understanding what went wrong can prepare you for similar situations in the future.

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Setting healthy boundaries is another important aspect of standing up for yourself. It is an act of self-love that requires self-awareness, clear communication, and courage, because it often means not meeting others’ expectations, says Cruz.

Here are some strategies that can help you set healthy boundaries in your relationships:

• Identify your needs: Reflect on your relationships and ask yourself: What matters to me most? What do I need from each relationship? 
• Recognize your limits: Think about the situations that make you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. You can write them down in a journal, if you like. This exercise can help you understand where your boundaries lie.
• Communicate your boundaries: Use direct, clear, assertive, and respectful language to express your needs and boundaries. For example, instead of saying, “That’s fine, I guess,” say, “I would appreciate it if you check with me first before making plans for us.”
• Be consistent: Once you’ve set a boundary, it’s essential that you stand firm and stick to it. This reinforces the importance of your boundary and shows others that it’s non-negotiable. Otherwise, your boundary loses its meaning, and people may continue to disregard it.
• Practice saying no: Learn to say no when something isn’t in your best interests. Saying no takes courage, but it’s a powerful way to stand up for yourself and your values.
• Be prepared for pushback: Sometimes, people may react negatively when you set boundaries. Stand firm but remain calm, explaining that these boundaries are essential for your well-being. Others’ actions will reveal their true nature, says Cruz. Those who genuinely care about you will learn to respect your boundaries; whereas, those who push back may not have your best interests at heart.
• Adjust your boundaries as needed: Our needs change and our relationships evolve, so our boundaries should too. Adjust your boundaries as needed and communicate the changes clearly.
• Find the right balance: While it’s important to advocate for yourself, it’s equally important to respect the other person’s needs. Finding the right balance is key to maintaining healthy and equitable relationships.

Overcoming Fear and Anxiety

Standing up for yourself can be daunting, especially when your fear is holding you back. Here are some strategies that can help you overcome your anxieties:

• Acknowledge your fears: Start by recognizing and naming your fears. Whether it’s the fear of rejection, conflict, or being judged, acknowledging these emotions is the first step toward addressing them.
• Challenge negative thoughts: Challenge any negative self-talk that is holding you back. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with kindness and fairness.
• Prepare in advance: If there’s a situation coming up where you think you might have to stand up for yourself, it can be helpful to prepare in advance. Practice what you want to say and how you want to say it. Having a clear idea of your key points can reduce your anxiety and make it easier to stay focused during the conversation.
• Take it one step at a time: Focus on one situation at a time. Trying to do everything all at once can be stressful and overwhelming. By breaking it down into manageable steps, you can gradually build your confidence and reduce anxiety.
• Accept imperfections: Understand that self-advocacy doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to stumble or feel nervous. What matters is that you’re taking steps to voice your needs. Like any other skill, you’ll get better at asserting your needs with practice. Celebrate your progress and be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself.
• Seek Support: Talk to your friends, family members, or a therapist about your fears. Sharing your feelings can help you feel more confident and empowered.

Cruz reminds us that Eleanor Roosevelt said: “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” This message is so powerful because she emphasizes that facing fears and challenges directly is a powerful way to build confidence, says Cruz.

Handling Conflicts and Difficult Situations

Self-advocacy can sometimes lead to conflicts or difficult situations, particularly if people aren’t used to the idea of you standing up for yourself.

Here are some strategies to help you navigate these situations:

• Stay calm: When you’re faced with conflict, take deep breaths and try to remain as calm as possible. Keeping your emotions in check will allow you to think clearly and respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively.
• Listen actively: Give the other person a chance to express their thoughts and feelings. Active listening shows respect and can help diffuse some of the tension, making it easier to find common ground.
• Use “I” statements: Frame your responses using “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming the other person. For example, say, “I feel unheard when my opinions are dismissed” instead of “You never listen to me.”
• Reiterate your boundaries: If someone challenges your boundaries, calmly restate them and explain why they are important to you.
• Find common ground: Work with the other person to find common ground. Identifying areas of agreement can help build a foundation for a productive conversation. Show the other person that you can appreciate their viewpoint, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.
• Negotiate needs: Be open to compromise and look for solutions that work for everyone involved.
• Seek understanding, not victory: Approach the situation with the goal of mutual understanding rather than trying to “win” the argument. Focus on finding a resolution that respects both sides.
• Know when to walk away: If the situation becomes toxic or unproductive, it may be best to disengage from it. Walking away can be a powerful way to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
• Seek mediation or support: In particularly challenging situations, consider seeking the help of a neutral third party, such as a mediator or counselor, to facilitate the conversation and help you reach a resolution.

Keep in Mind

Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy, but it’s important in order to ensure you aren’t ignored, used, or worse mistreated. By practicing self-advocacy and setting clear boundaries, you can take control of your life and ensure that your needs are met. It’s about valuing yourself enough to say, “I matter,” and making sure others recognize that too. It’s time to take your power back and make your voice heard!