I’m an ‘introvert.’ It’s been obvious to me ever since I discovered the term over fifteen years ago. I remember being so relieved when I learned this. I know how easy it is for introverts to suffer, to feel different, to feel isolated. But living an enriching, happy, and fulfilled life as an introvert is possible.
The most fulfilled introverts avoid these 8 things:
1. Buying too deeply into the ‘introverted’ label
Too many take the introverted thing too seriously. It is not an affliction. It doesn’t need to define you. It is a guide towards how we handle external stimulation. Introverts appear to be more sensitive to stimulation, notably social. It doesn’t mean that we are socially incompetent.
This is a skill that anyone can learn. It means that introverts are more likely to be less practiced in social situations because we don’t expose ourselves too much to this kind of stimulation. We need only accept that we can be more sensitive. This can be seen as an advantage rather than a disadvantage.
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2. Beating yourself up about how you prefer time by yourself
Introverts tend to charge their energy when they are away from people. This doesn’t mean we should be without people entirely — it just means we need to find compassion for ourselves, and how we are energized.
3. Dwelling on the past
Ask 96% of introverted adults, and they will tell you that they had a tough and often alienated early life. I have since learned to reframe my unfair beliefs about myself, to accept myself for who I am, to explore and love my gifts, and to chuckle at the embarrassing moments. Do not allow the past to interfere with your right to live well.
4. Being real about your sensitivity
I have always been very sensitive to stimulation. University was frequently difficult for me because I went along with the boozing, poor diet, parties, and smoking — and the often deep anxiety that came with that. The reality is that many can handle stimulation like this and be fine with it. I couldn’t.
You need to listen to your body and be real with what you need — not with what works for others. Say no to following the crowd if it ultimately stresses your body and soul and makes you miserable. According to researchers, evidence shows that introverts can maintain a calm demeanor in the presence of both positive and negative stimuli.
5. Going hardcore hermit
There is a risk that introverts can go too far in a direction away from social interaction. I have fallen into this. Knowing that I deal well with solitude, too often gives me an excuse to avoid interacting with people.
Being introverted does not mean that I do not benefit from being around people. We need it like we need vitamin B12. So I include both parts. I enjoy plenty of solitude. I love to make art, to read and write – alone. But I make sure to include social activity in my life and work, too.
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” ~Alfred Adler
6. Tolerating rumination
Introverts love to think and tend to have a powerful and well-used imagination. The danger lies in combining a negative outlook with obsessive imagination. This is rumination and can make us depressed and anxious. Nothing good comes from this mode of thinking.
We must be intolerant of it when we sense it coming on. It is a practice, and it is vital.
7. Dismissing your social skills
It’s easy to assume that introversion is synonymous with poor social skills. This needn’t be the case. Introverts can — and often are — the most skilled speakers, networkers, leaders, and ‘people-people’. Most of us are fascinated by human nature, or at least take a more analytical and careful approach to social dynamics.
Many of us have had terrible social experiences too, which makes us often more likely to want to get it right later in life if we choose that path. Just because we’re introverts does not mean we don’t care about others and cannot work on our social skills. Research supports the fact that introversion does not equate to a lack of social skills, rather these individuals tend to function well in social situations – they might just prefer to avoid them, if they can.
8. Following ‘what you love’
Many introverts who follow this cutesy phrase to the letter usually end up depressed.
Why? Because if we all followed merely what we loved to do, we’d never do anything that challenged us. Those who understand that some hardship is an integral part of maintaining a passion for something will be immune from the dangers of such a saying, but others will not. Introverts need to be wary here.
Don’t follow what you love. Instead, follow your potential.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.
