Divorce is said to be one of the most profoundly painful experiences that a human being can survive.
How long will the sadness last? Since the grief experience is not linear, and there is no right way to grieve the loss of a marriage, it is difficult to know how long the grief will last. A study from Oklahoma State University says it can take up to 2 years to grieve the end of a marriage.
In fact, about a year into my recovery process, I moved into the stage of acceptance and forgiveness. I decided that the only way to move forward was to let go of the anger.
Change involves letting go, and requires a psychological and physical “movement” to begin the healing process. This shift in my thoughts contributed greatly to lifting my depression and sadness over the loss of my marriage.
When this stage occurs depends on many factors, such as, who wanted the divorce, whether another party was involved in the failed marriage, how much bitterness is there between the couple, whether there are children and custody issues, who gets the dog, and the legal system.
The worst thing about a divorce is coming home to an empty house at the end of the day. Loneliness can intensify depression and sadness.
Even though most marriages were “broken” long before the time of the divorce, there was still the companionship of having the physical presence of your partner.
Here are 7 steps the smartest women take to get over the initial ‘shock’ of divorce:
1. Turn toward a renewed relationship with God, a higher power, or spirituality
2. Find a few friends and family members to form an emotional support system
3. Make a list of your challenges and resources
4. Contact an attorney to assist you through the legal process
5. Find a Divorce Recovery Support Group or individual therapist to help you process your feelings
6. Be kind to yourself and set aside time for journaling, deep-breathing exercises, or any practice that allows you to relax and collect your thoughts
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7. Remember that there is no right way to grieve the loss of a marriage
Finding a new identity is an important part of the healing process.
Learning to be alone, forming new friendships, and finding a new home can be both frightening and exciting.
There are immense benefits to learning how to be your own person, and it will lead to a much happier you, research says.
Some people go through this process quickly and others never make it. If the depression is not lifting and the grief is long-lasting, you might be experiencing complicated grief.
It is important to listen to your “self-talk” and question if your depression prevents you from moving into the stage of acceptance.
You might want to seek counseling to help you determine if the sadness you are experiencing is more serious and needs professional treatment.
There are divorce support groups offered at local churches, synagogues, and community centers, or you can seek help from a professional therapist who specializes in divorce recovery.
Debra Warner is a divorce coach and therapist who helps couples through their divorce in a professional and empathetic way.
Daniel Gilbert is a Harvard psychologist and best-selling author of Stumbling on Happiness.
