After watching an interview with “dating expert” Jack Maddock on Kristin Cavallari’s “Let’s Be Honest” podcast, Leonidas Miller took to TikTok to share his outrage over claims that any man who hasn’t been married by 40 is a “red flag.”
“If he gets to 40 and doesn’t have kids or hasn’t been married, that’s a little bit bizarre,” relationship coach Maddock said. “In your situation, don’t date a guy who doesn’t have at least one child.”
“As a 38-year-old who has never been married and doesn’t have kids, I’ll give my point of view,” Miller said in response. “There’s not wives falling off the bookshelf.”
A 38-year-old single man responded to claims that unmarried men his age are ‘red flags.’
Not only did Miller argue that many people in his circle “rushed into” marriages over fears of singlehood, but he also suggested rising divorce rates are a perfect argument for staying single with higher standards — even as you enter your 40s.
“Based on these divorce rates, I’m not sure that [being unmarried] is a ‘red flag,’ or just someone who might have higher standards,” Miller said.
Studies show that people over 40 are experiencing the highest rates of divorce in recent years than any other generation, suggesting the traditional path of marrying young isn’t as successful as many believe.
Miller said he’s not a ‘red flag’ for not having a wife or children; he just has ‘high expectations.’
While Maddock’s opinion on older unmarried men already seemed questionable in the podcast interview, videos on his TikTok platform assuredly confirmed his views. Many of the videos are centered on the male dating experience, masculinity, “high value” dating, and gendered confidence in relationships — including one that argues engagements are only proposed by men in “secure” relationships.
“When a man feels like his emotions are a 10/10, he’ll want to propose. If the relationship is a 7/10, he won’t propose,” he confidently stated. “A masculine man will only propose when the relationship is functioning highly.”
In the same breath, he backhandedly argued that unmarried men are somehow “bizarre” for having high expectations for marriage partners. How can an older unmarried man be considered a “red flag,” for simply enforcing those expectations?
“It isn’t like there’s wives falling off of the bookshelf that you’re compatible with, attracted to, have chemistry with,” Miller explained. “This logic might have made sense 30 years ago, but today? Not so much.”
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“Number two: men don’t get to choose when they become fathers,” Miller continued. “You all know that, right? Women have 100% control over who gets to be a father. So, could it be a red flag that nobody thought you’d make a great father, so they never allowed you to have a kid? Possibly… but this is really just another bizarre stereotype that should be put the [expletive] to sleep.”
Modern dating has made finding love difficult for singles of all ages.
Women are often condemned for not following a traditional route to marriage, but when it comes to embracing singlehood from a contemporary perspective — they’re often celebrated.
It’s not often the case for men, regardless of age.
A recent Pew Research study found that young men are choosing to embrace the single life much to the chagrin of critics like Maddock. Whether they are prioritizing standards or focusing on self-improvement, their choice to remain single is decidedly not a “red flag.”
At the end of the day, everyone’s dating life is on a different timeline. You don’t need a partner. You don’t need to rush into a relationship for status.
You deserve to live your life by your own rules, regardless of what critics believe.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
