When you start dating someone, there’s no way to know how things will work out in the long run. But if you’re an optimist like me, if you really like the person, you immediately start picturing your life with them, whether you want to or not.
It’s almost impossible to not be wearing rose-colored glasses. You’re in love! Or, at least, deeply in like, and all of your parts become attracted to all of their parts.
Falling in love usually takes a little longer. According to one study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it can take up to four months.
While there’s no way of knowing how the relationship will go, there are some definite red flags that show up if you’re headed to dealing with heartbreak.
It can be hard to see the signs he wants to break up, however obvious they might be, especially if you’re dating someone new and in that first butterfly stage.
But go around the block a few times and you’ll start to spot the same old signs that always seem to lead to unnecessary heartbreak.
Here are 12 habits that signal a man will break your heart without remorse:
1. He won’t call you his girlfriend
If he doesn’t refer to you as his girlfriend, you aren’t his girlfriend, and you never will be. It’s just that simple.
2. He won’t meet your family
Do you know why he won’t meet your family? Because your dad will be shaking his hand and saying hello, and what the dude will be hearing is, “So, you’re the young man who is screwing over my daughter. Greetings, monster.”
He knows he ain’t in it to win it, and he doesn’t want to put himself (or you) through that.
3. He won’t make plans
You’re the plan-maker. Always. And even when you say, “Let’s hang out on Saturday,” you might not hear from him until 10:30 that evening.
Why? Because you aren’t a priority in his life.
4. He tells you he’s not ready for a relationship
If a guy tells you he isn’t ready for a relationship, believe him! If a guy tells you he’s bad news, believe him!
If a dude is quick to tell you all of his failings as boyfriend material, believe him there, too. You’re hearing it from the emotionally unavailable horse’s mouth.
5. He’s still in touch with his exes
There’s the guy who is still polite to his exes, and there’s the guy who would run and jump right back into her pants should she snap her ludicrously French-manicured fingers. Use your best discretion.
6. He’s a fantasist
He might not call you his girlfriend, but it’s April and he’s talking about what you’ll do for Christmas.
Do not be fooled by his web of lies. He’s trying to throw you off the scent so you will keep sleeping with him.
7. He hides his phone
I mean, yes, that’s a clear red flag. If he’s on his phone all the time, you’re also in trouble.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
This could be a sign he’s cheating, says Raymond B. Green, author of 180 Telltale Signs Mates Are Cheating and How to Catch Them.
Do you know what will be there no matter how he treats it? Instagram. You are better than Instagram. It’s a lot to process, but it’s true: You. Are. Better. Than. Instagram.
8. He’s hard to talk to
I dated a guy for six months. I was in love with him by the end.
But when it came to my feelings, our intimate life, and the weather, I never felt 100 percent comfortable opening up to him. That’s a sign I (and everyone else) should watch out for.
9. He gaslights you
If you think something’s wrong, and you ask him if something’s wrong, and his response is “You’re crazy,” get out of there.
The only acceptable answer to your question is, “Yeah, there is, let’s talk,” or, “No, I’m okay, are you okay?” Do not ever let a man make you think your feelings or concerns are hysterical or crazy.
10. He’s still dating someone else
I’m a very smart woman. I dated a man seriously who was still living with and dating his girlfriend of 10 years.
That is a stupid thing for a smart woman to do, but it happens. Don’t beat yourself up, but do end it.
11. He’s just moved to your state
He’s not ready. He’ll probably tell you he’s not ready. You’ll try to be a low-impact casual girlfriend, which will be fine until you fall for him and he can’t make that leap.
This is another case of listening when he talks about avoiding internal combustion.
12. He has a messed up relationship with his dad
In every bad relationship I have ever been in, the dude has had an awful dynamic with his dad. Run!
Girl, this is a horror movie, and your screaming and running upstairs is not the correct choice. Run out of the house, get in your car, and drive into the night.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a freelance writer and editor with a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and true crime topics. Her bylines have appeared on Fatherly, Bustle, SheKnows, Jezebel, and many others.
