Again Dad, again you let me down and again it still hurts like when I was younger……I’m not young anymore I’m a full-grown adult and again it still hurts.
Now I can get up and not attend your arguments…..I can feel your insanity and know it’s time to leave the room – I can take my inner child by her hand look at her lovingly and say “we’re not staying here” and I take her to safety, bringing her where we can garden and listen to beautiful meditation music sitting in the sun with our dog. I can keep the anxiety at bay for both of us.
Although a tear or two might emerge it’s no longer for you Dad – it’s for me……the tears of relief, the tears of joy that I came through war – losing all my loved ones in the process and at times nearly losing myself. Discovering codependency is now my higher power because understanding it and working at it I can experience a life that can be managed through turmoil – I can see light where there was darkness, and I can feel love where I was empty. In CoDA, I’m in a club of people who suffer and have suffered. I’m not alone, I have community that understands my lifelong pains. To anyone new “welcome” and to anyone who’s been here for a time “thank you.”
Brita ~ A grateful Codependent. 06/18/2024
