Purpose: It’s a powerful word but do we really stop and contemplate what it means … in our life, and more so, in our relationships?
The dictionary defines purpose as “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” It also has great benefits in our everyday life. Having a purpose has been proven to lead to less stress and better mental health, and even better physical health.
With that definition and benefits, in mind, I’m curious how you might answer the question, “What is the purpose of your most intimate, loving relationships?”
Is the purpose happiness? Security? Joy? Intimacy?
For each of us the answer varies and the unique rank we give possible aspects of “purpose” reveals our truth. Yet, when was the last time you sat face-to-face, eye-to-eye, with your beloved and asked the question, “What is the purpose of our relationship?” I’m guessing, likely, never.
Pexels / Juan Pablo Serrano
It’s kind of scary to think about. First, you’ve got to carve out time between work, kid duty (four-legged, two-legged, or both), friends, hitting the gym, visiting Mom and Pops, running for the PTA office, and ensuring that you keep up all the right moves for that promotion at work.
Of course, who could forget the additional stresses of paying bills, eating healthy, sipping down an occasional dirty Martini (extra dirty), and catching the latest blockbuster at the theater?
By the time you’ve piled all these must-dos on your plate — plus the time spent thinking of leaving your job to escape the cubicle jungle so you can start your own mad crazed entrepreneurial endeavor (screw that promotion!) — who has time for a serious conversation about the “purpose” of the relationship you share with that lump of humanity in bed next to you? You do!
That is, you do If you have any hopes of feeding, watering, nurturing, and growing your relationship. Yes, I’m talking to you Mr. Man and Ms. Woman — you know who you are — you’re the ones whining that your relationship has lost its spark.
The truth is, Purpose (with a capital “P”) can truly be the saving grace of a relationship that’s beginning to go awry. How so?
Pull up a chair. Imagine you’re sitting face-to-face, eye-to-eye, with me, your beloved life coach, and listening to the virtues of a purpose-driven relationship.
Purpose enables you to dig deeper with an emphasis placed on what you desire from this 24/7 intimate relationship with your guy or gal.
matter if you’re hetero-normative or homo-almost-normative; purpose in your relationship serves as the love guidepost for getting you to the finish line of your relationship successfully (however long as it’s meant to last).
Purpose also provides a firm foundation for understanding what each person wants to experience in the relationship.
For you, it could mean adventure, security, respect, curiosity, love, and independence with a dash of challenge built in to keep it fresh. For your partner, it could mean integrity, serenity, trust, love, happiness, and a big dose of sensuality.
Notice how similar yet different those two lists are.
Some of the dots somewhat overlap, but in reality, each word is left open to interpretation by each party, which in turn leaves a wide open door for communication about the purpose of your mutually shared relationship.
In essence, a couple who is purposeful in their relationship — working towards intended goals, and results — clearly focused that their relationship exists for a clear purpose, are much more likely to purposefully make it work or are purposefully willing to make it unravel.
To master the art of a purposeful relationship, the first step is to define what a meaningful relationship is for you and your partner.
The meaningful aspect is the vision, idea, and concept of what you want the relationship to exude — look, feel, and how each of you wants to experience the relationship. The purpose helps keep you focused on actions that lead to a meaningful relationship.
Now the question becomes, which would you rather be? A couple of purposes, working towards a meaningful relationship, or a couple off the rails, on two separate tracks with no purpose and meaningful relationship in sight.
Rick Clemons is a certified professional coach, speaker, author, and podcaster who inspires corporations, entrepreneurs, college and university students, and individuals to make their bold moves.
