Every family has its own dynamic. In some, one partner works while the other cares for the children and the house. In others, both partners work and split the duties evenly.
One husband wanted his wife to handle all of the household responsibilities, even when there were more than usual.
A husband didn’t understand why his wife wanted him to help clean after they had guests over.
A wife and mother shared the difficulties she experienced in her marriage on Reddit as she sought out advice.
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“This was the bombshell he dropped after we were in bed last night before promptly falling asleep,” she said of her husband.
The bombshell? “‘We’re going to have a conversation tomorrow night at the dinner table to discuss the amount of disrespect I get and what we’re going to do about it along with some other things,’” he told her.
The wife went on to give details on exactly why her husband felt so disrespected.
“The husband is upset that he had to take an hour out of his time to help everyone in the house clean up after having out-of-town guests for two weeks,” she explained.
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“Was the house bad?” she asked. “Messier than I prefer, but manageable. Took about an hour total to clean with four adults and one child.”
The wife said her husband did help, “but only after threatening my middle child that if they did not fold all the laundry, do all the dishes, vacuum, sweep and clean more than half the rooms in the house from top to bottom and on his own, my husband wasn’t going to take him to his college orientation today.”
The reason her husband felt disrespected by having to clean was an interesting one.
“Regardless of any of this, he still wants to talk about how disrespected he feels because he did the dishes twice last week, and he shouldn’t have to because he works all the time. For him, work is 50 hours a week as a fast food manager with a one-and-a-half-hour round trip drive time,” she said. “Myself, I work 40 hours per week in a private doctor’s office with a two hour round trip drive time.”
She went on to explain more of the problems she has with her husband.
“I’m expected to have supper on the table when he walks in the door, even though some nights he’s home first,” she shared. “I’m expected to have the house spotless, but I’m not really supposed to do any cleaning. In his words, ‘That’s the children’s job.’ I have no real hobbies and don’t do much because if I do anything other than being at his beck and call, I’m ignoring and neglecting him.”
Other Redditors were very concerned about the woman.
The woman’s fellow Reddit users were worried that she was in an abusive relationship.
“I would highly consider appeasing this conversation while knowing you’re making a secret escape plan,” one person said.
“Please know that this is absolutely abuse,” another added.
A third person said, “This man is abusing you. Please get an exit strategy together and leave him. This is not normal.”
As many commenters pointed out, this is not just a dangerous situation for her but for her kids as well.
It does sound like this woman is experiencing emotional abuse.
VeryWell Mind said, “Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame or otherwise manipulate them.”
Additionally, VeryWell Mind listed several signs of emotional abuse. These included “unrealistic expectations,” “invalidates you,” “creates chaos” and “acts superior.”
All of these things sound like aspects of this man’s concerning behavior. He is clearly trying to control his wife and possibly his children. This is indeed a scary situation, and it would be best to plan a way to leave.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or the threat of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or go to www.thehotline.org
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
