How to End a Summer Fling or Love Affair With Gratitude

Source: Jeremy Bishop, Upsplash

From euphoric beginnings to emotional endings, love affairs and even casual sex relationships can feel like a roller coaster ride. When summer fling partners confront the reality of returning to the fall or winter routine of school or work, it can be difficult to accept the fact that their romance was time-limited.

Whether it’s a summer fling or a secret love affair, when an ending is imminent, it can be emotionally draining. How do you know when to say goodbye?

For young people involved in a summer fling, there is often a natural preset reality, such as returning to school or accepting a job offer. Ending a secret love affair among adults can be more psychologically difficult.

A serious question for people involved in casual sexual relationships is how it affects you emotionally.

According to a study from researchers in Quebec, “casual sexual relationships and experiences (CSREs) are still considered to be detrimental to the psychological well-being of youth even though findings remain inconclusive… Measuring psychological well-being in a follow-up study of 2,304 sexually active adolescents, it was determined that there was almost no effect on boys and little effect on girls.” (Dube et al., 2016)

What to consider before ending the relationship

Whether it is young people realizing it is time to say goodbye, adults cheating on a spouse, or seniors engaging in what society once may have looked upon with disdain, when it is time to end the relationship, here are some thoughts to keep in mind.

1. Before saying anything at all, write out the pros of the relationship.
2. What qualities about the other person helped you to fall in love?
3. Tell your partner about the positive feelings you experienced.
4. Admit to yourself that a summer fling was a magnetic attraction culminating in a brief love affair.
5. Acknowledge how difficult it is to say the words, “This is the end of the road for us.”
6. Consider a plan to stay in touch, even though it may be unrealistic.
7. Stay positive. There is no need to bring up a litany of reasons as to why the relationship must end.
8. Accept and be grateful for the good feelings you both experienced, but accept the reality that the relationship is over.

Six tips for coping with emotions when romance has ended

In 2020, researchers reviewed 71 quantitative articles regarding casual sex relationship experience and found that people evaluated these more positively than negatively. (Wesche et al., 2020)

However, not everyone will come away from a love relationship unscathed. Here are six tips that might be helpful:

1. Allow for mixed feelings.
2. Set healthy boundaries.
3. Reconnect with those around you.
4. Focus on what you need most. Try journaling to help clarify your needs
5. Take some time to reflect (when you’re ready) and look for the silver lining.
6. Reach out to a mental health professional for additional support.

If you disagree with Alfred Lord Tennyson, who wrote, “‘Tis is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” then embrace the advice of the late Professor Leo Buscaglia, author of the book LOVE. He writes, “What love we’ve given, we’ll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.”

Look back with gratitude for having experienced heart flutters and the longing to see one another. Relive the happy moments and be grateful for the experience.

^{Copyright 2024 Rita Watson, MPH/ PsychologyToday.com}