How a relationship ended can reveal what troubles might have resulted had the relationship continued.
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Yes, break-ups of any relationship can be tough. That’s why they are called break-ups and not mush-ups. They can seem particularly tough when the break-up is nasty and doesn’t end well. But when the other person does or says something hurtful on the way out the door, three words may give you the comfort needed. And, spoiler alert, the three words are not “get back together.”
No, instead, the three words might just be “dodged a bullet.” The phrase essentially states that things would have been much worse for you in the future had the break-up you just experienced not occurred. If the demise of the relationship essentially revealed that the person was bad for you, be thankful rather than regretful that it came sooner than later.
As painful as it may have been, much more badness could have been on its way if, for example, the break-up revealed that the person:
- Did not really care about you and the relationship: Not only would you have continued to waste your time and effort on someone who didn’t care enough to reciprocate, you would have been sitting on a ticking time bomb. What would happen the next time you had some kind of crisis (and, yes, it is only a matter of time before anyone has a crisis) and that person didn’t care enough to help? Think about the messes that would have resulted.
- Was unreliable, irresponsible, or otherwise not dependable: Even if that person did care about you, not being able to depend on them for whatever reason would have eventually sent a whole lot of bullets your way. Imagine having to rely on someone as flighty as Kramer from the TV series Seinfeld when you faced a health crisis, for example.
- Was manipulative and controlling: Speaking of TV characters, picture yourself with Cersei Lannister, that calculating and controlling character from Game of Thrones. Yeah, even if you got past that slept-with-her-brother thing, you’d have to deal with all sorts of toxicity. Even when things were “good,” you’d be worrying about when the next round of toxicity would come around.
- Was trying to fool or mislead you: Did the relationship end because you were getting too close to the truth? Did that person turn out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing? Who knows what other nasty little secrets may have emerged later? Plus, how could you ever trust the person going forward?
- Was emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive: “In the long run, the abuse was worth it,” is something that you don’t tend to hear. Plus, once a person believes that he or she can get away with abusing you, expect their behavior to get even worse..
- Made you feel weaker or otherwise brought out the worst in you: “So glad that person made me feel worse and worse” wouldn’t be your first choice of love song lyrics, either.
- Was dedicated or devoted to someone or something else: This is another recipe for disaster. It may seem like there is a “try” in tricycle, but you shouldn’t have to be a third wheel in any relationship.
Maybe, you ended up escaping an even worse fate that would have happened if the relationship had continued.
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Now, the three words “dodged a bullet” won’t necessarily help if the other person was a great match for you, and you just didn’t recognize or appreciate it. They also won’t work if your relationship was going great and external circumstances pulled you apart, a la Romeo and Juliet. But when relationships don’t work out and end badly, they frequently do not fall into either of those two categories.
Instead, they often fall into the how-come-I-didn’t-see-what-the-person-was-really-like or why-did-I-waste-my-time-and-effort-on-that-person or why-did-I-put-up-with-that categories. Again, it can be tempting to focus on what went wrong. But that person may have done you a favor by either not sticking around or being noxious enough to force you towards the escape hatch.
So, instead, turn to what went right. And one of the things that went right is that you got right out of there at maybe the right time.
