By: Karoki Githure
Every message from a guy you’re into is exhilarating. That is, of course, until he stops texting, and you begin anticipating a text that never comes.
You can complain to your friends, “We went from texting every day to nothing,” or you can discover what happened.
Key Takeaways
- If a guy suddenly stops texting, don’t immediately assume the worst.
- Explanations can vary from he’s simply busy to he’s not very good at this.
- Whatever the reason, stay calm and don’t blow up his phone.
- Prioritize yourself, and if he ghosts you, you’re better off without him.
Why Did He Stop Texting Me So Suddenly?
Stop your mind from doing a merry-go-round (not so merry) around worst-case scenarios.
Explore these possible reasons for his radio silence.
1. He’s preoccupied
If you noticed that his texting has changed and he doesn’t seem as chatty as before, one possible reason could be that he’s busy. He may be in a situation that requires his full attention, like a presentation at work or caring for a sick family member.
While he should still make time for you, juggling work, family, and other responsibilities may have consumed his focus and energy. He may have forgotten to let you know that it would be hard for you to contact him at this time.
It’s also possible he’s going through some challenges and doesn’t feel it’s right to involve you. I mean, undergoing a colonoscopy or other intimate procedure isn’t the cutest thing to tell someone you’re seeing.
However, if your intuition doesn’t agree with how he responds and it seems like you’re bothering him, there may be more going on than just a busy schedule; maybe he’s busy ignoring you.
2. He has poor communication skills
You started on a high note, but texting may not be his forte. Perhaps openly expressing feelings doesn’t come naturally to him, or maybe he came from a family that didn’t openly express their feelings or emotions.
Additionally, past relationships may have left him guarded after he confided his innermost thoughts only to get hurt, making vulnerability feel unsafe and leading to underdeveloped communication skills.
Alternatively, it may not be his past but his gender that’s causing your affair’s armistice.
You might have heard about men being from Mars and women from Venus, and such “worlds apart” distinctions may have a kernel of truth when it comes to communication.
For example, a study by Kimbrough et al. tested how men and women differ in their communication habits, and the results revealed that women prefer texting more than men and use technology-based communication “in a more engaging way than men.”[1]
Unfortunately, your relationship may have ended before it began because communication is the lifeblood of relationships. That man has left you hanging like a yo-yo.
3. He’s testing your interest
It might sound feeble, but there’s always a chance he’s not texting anymore because he’s waiting to see how interested you are. It’s not something you said or didn’t say, but he’s wondering where he stands in the relationship.
Testing your interest could be the case, particularly if he initiates the conversations, so he’s waiting to see how long it will take you to text him first. While sparking curiosity has its place, prolonged silence could be saying more, and you need to listen.
Don’t leave him to do all the legwork. If he’s suddenly stopped texting you after a garrulous prelude, maybe it’s not him; maybe it’s you. Reach out and see what happens.
4. He’s afraid of commitment
Fear of commitment has way more to do with him than it does you. Fear of commitment is quite common, especially among men, when they feel a relationship is progressing (too fast).
Fear of commitment, clinically known as gamophobia, is real and hinders people from enjoying genuine relationships. They live in constant anxiety and fear that the relationship may end, which leads them to push people they love away.
While it’s not completely clear what causes a fear of commitment, according to the Cleveland Clinic, those who come from divorced parents or have a history of heartbreak are more likely to exhibit this phobia.[2]
The fact is he might have liked you but wasn’t ready to take the next step in the relationship. Don’t see it as a reflection of your worth as a partner but rather an opportunity for you to find someone who’s at the same stage of life as you.
5. He reconnected with someone else (his ex)
We’re all trying to make the best of this doomed space rock. Sometimes, that means giving up on something not in your best interest. Other times, it means returning to something you once left.
If your floundering flame disappears off the face of the earth, you might search for clues that he’s reignited an old flame. If he mentioned that he’d just left a relationship or spoke excessively of his ex, read the signs.
Don’t beat yourself up; it’s not your fault that they still have a connection. And don’t blame him either — unless, of course, he made a lot of promises to you. (There’s a word for that kind of guy, but I’m too classy to share it here.)
Just be happy for them. Remember, doomed space rock. Let them find happiness while they can.
6. He’s playing games
If you realize that his ghosting behavior doesn’t fit the “he’s busy” or “he’s testing you to see if you love him” narrative, he probably enjoys bringing games into relationships. The aim is to see you chase him as he dodges and have you think about him all the time.
Dating is confusing enough already; you don’t need mind games.
Playing emotional games is a form of manipulation, and you don’t want to settle for someone who keeps pulling strings you can’t even see. That’s a one-way ticket to a toxic relationship.
The best tactic to win mind games is to not play.
7. He’s no longer interested
The reality that he’s no longer interested might be hurtful and confusing because he seemed really into you initially. Nobody wants to be ghosted — it sucks.
The initial stages of a relationship are exciting as two people get to know each other. But once those initial sparks disappear and the smoke clears, sometimes there’s nothing left. When this happens, people lose interest. If he’s not leaving you enough clues or they’re unclear as to whether you should continue texting, check out this blog and find out if he wants you to stop texting him.
From this point, some men begin dry-texting and eventually stop texting altogether, hoping you get the hint and move on. He probably realized that your life goals, priorities, values, or interests don’t align and pulled back.
Maybe you expressed that you want to advance your career and seek a promotion, but he’s a “work-life balance and more free time” kind of guy. That’s enough to make him stop texting and for you to appreciate knowing it this early in the relationship.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t an incredible person; you just might not be on the same wavelength.
Dating Advice: What to Do When He Stops Texting
Before you make any hasty moves you might regret, here are tips to help you deal with it and possibly break the cycle.
Reach out
If there’s no way to tell that he’s ignoring you or isn’t interested, put on your big-girl panties and get in touch with him. Reaching out can help you stop panicking or overthinking and clear the air. After all, communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
You might be relieved to learn he’s stuck at work or has a family emergency. Send a quick, fun message, and watch his reaction. When he responds, don’t be beside yourself with excitement or you’ll come across as clingy or needy. On the other hand, don’t be shy to seek clarification.
If there’s no immediate response after a few days, follow the steps below.
Stay calm
So you took a risk and reached out to him, unsure if he’d ignore you again, and he still hasn’t responded. As upsetting as that is, and as tempting as it might be to call him out for the silence, don’t. Give it some time.
Be assured that he’ll text you back if he’s still interested in the relationship. Ignore the urge to go undercover, stalking his socials. His digital footprint might reveal a lot about his relationship status and routines, but if this is the way to know his whereabouts, he’s not worth your time or search history.
Maintain your confidence; you will need it to enter a new relationship.
Create distance
If it’s been a couple of days or weeks and you haven’t heard from him yet, it’s time to distance yourself emotionally. It’s easier than torturing yourself with endless questioning and guessing the answers.
Richard Marx’s “Right Here Waiting” is nice soft rock music, but don’t make it your personal anthem. That’s sad.
And while being sad can be good for your aesthetic (we do love those chunky sweaters and messy buns), it’s not great for your physical health.
According to research published in Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, there’s a relationship between negative emotions and heightened inflammation, with negative emotions contributing to long-term health risks and chronic illnesses.
According to the study’s author, Dr. Megan Renna of the University of Southern Mississippi, “When not regulated properly, negative emotions can create biological wear and tear on the body that can increase risk for morbidity and mortality.[3]
The research further reveals that if one fails to regulate emotions such as anxiety, it can cause sickness even in physically healthy adults.
Instead of texting his friends, stalking his socials, and chasing closure, protect yourself with some distance and retain your dignity.
Count your losses and be glad that, for once, the garbage takes itself out.
Block him
At this point, you’ve done everything you can. You’re no longer wondering why he stopped texting every day sweet nothings. All you want is to forget about him. If you’re still seeing his Insta stories or his relentless cat memes on Facebook, don’t hesitate to send him to the block list.
Blocking allows you to close that door fully and move on. It shuts out the temptation to check in on his social profiles or wait around for a possible text. It also helps you to realize the relationship is over. If he opts to stay out of sight, keep him out of mind and phonebook.
As famed Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho said, “If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”[4]
Prioritize your needs
Remain the high-value woman you are by not chasing someone who has made it clear he’s not interested in you.
Instead, distract yourself by spending time with friends and family who support you. Surround yourself with people and activities that make you feel good about yourself. Dress up and go for drinks with your friends but remind yourself not to drunk-text him — you’ve come so far to fall back.
Trash-talk him with your most trusted friend if that makes you feel good. They’ll remind you why you deserve better. With time, you’ll realize that you miss him less each day.
Most importantly, you need time alone to reflect and review your personal boundaries, needs, values, and nonnegotiables. Think about what matters to you long-term in a partner and relationship. Don’t compromise your self-respect.
Conclusion
The dating pool can be fun until it’s quiet and cold, leaving you guessing why he hasn’t texted you or responded to your texts.
The best-case scenario is that he’s busy and will text back once his hands are free. The worst scenario is that he’s playing games, in which case you should quietly exit the pool and take your blow-up unicorn with you.
It’s OK to reach out for clarity. If he doesn’t respect you enough to respond, stay calm as you plot your exit — with your self-respect intact and on the hunt for someone who can treat you with the care and respect you deserve.
Truth is, communication shouldn’t be rocket science. So hold that glass high as you toast to new beginnings that deserve you.
Want more advice and tips about getting into a relationship? Check out our page here!
References
1. Kimbrough, A. M., Guadagno, R. E., Muscanell, N. L., & Dill, J. (2013). Gender differences in mediated communication: Women connect more than do men. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(3), 896–900. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2012.12.005
2. Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.). Gamophobia (fear of commitment): Causes & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22570-gamophobia-fear-of-commitment
3. Renna, M. E. (2021). A review and novel theoretical model of how negative emotions influence inflammation: The critical role of emotion regulation. Brain, Behavior, & Immunity-Health, 18, 100397. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbih.2021.100397
4. Coelho, P. (1993). The alchemist. HarperCollins.
