Ever wonder why your initial dates rarely lead to a great dating relationship? Find out if you’re unknowingly doing or saying 10 things to turn off a potential love match and discover what to do instead if you want to find great love and create a great relationship.
The 10 annoying behaviors that make a woman a bad date, as revealed by men:
1. You’re late
You arrive late for a date or change plans at the last minute instead of honoring your date’s feelings and your commitment to be together as planned.
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2. You’re distracted
You stare at attractive people who pass by or allow distractions of cell phones, text messages, or silent vibes to interrupt your conversation instead of devoting your full attention to your date. Remember, where your attention goes your affection grows, as supported by a 2013 study on affectionate communication!
3. You lie
You exaggerate your accomplishments and dating goals in hopes of hooking up instead of being honest about your life resume or your desire for a casual fling so your date can decide if your life experiences and dating goals are a good match.
4. You’re depressing
You bog down the mood with heavy, negative stories from your past instead of starting fresh and creating exciting new stories on your own with your new potential love match. Research conducted in 2011 helps us understand the complexity of discussing your romantic past in a new relationship.
5. You’re intense
You pressure a commitment quickly or invite a date to an event two months later instead of allowing time to get to know each other and discover if you can create a solid dating relationship based on shared values, chemistry, and complementary interests.
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6. You’re lazy
You use electronic communication to confirm dates or to keep track of your date’s online dating activities instead of making a human connection your priority and dealing with dating issues face-to-face.
7. You’re self-centered
You control conversations with a monologue about yourself instead of finding common ground, asking about your date, and becoming an active listener as an act of love.
8. You’re judgmental
You pass judgment, put down your date’s dreams, or suggest that your date change to fit your ideals instead of accepting your date — quirks and all — as you determine if you are a compatible love match.
9. You’re critical
You criticize your date‘s family or physical flaws that can’t be changed instead of commenting on their strengths, special qualities, and the ways you bring out the best in each other.
10. You’re preoccupied
You talk about how busy you are with work and family obligations instead of making room in your life for love and making a new priority of your loving relationship. This, of course, is assuming you’d like a loving relationship to last.
Making the first, second, and third dates great doesn’t require you to complete an etiquette school for manners and decorum, but being a good date does require planning, focus, and self-control. All the above behaviors are most likely actions you would also find unattractive on a date.
Sometimes, flipping the script helps us see the impact of actions we might not recognize in ourselves. So, the easiest way to make your dates better and more likely to return for another is to use your awareness of yourself and the person you are dating while maintaining authenticity.
Hadley Finch is a dating and divorce coach and the author of 911 Breakup Survival.
