I started going to CoDA meetings nearly a year ago. Prompted by my therapist who suggested I’d be well-served by a ‘community’ who was suffering in similar ways, I went to an in-person Wednesday evening group to see if it was the medicine I’d been seeking. Slowly then suddenly, hearing people talk about boundaries – their struggle to maintain them and yet their subsequent joy that came from learning why they struggled in the first place – gave me so much peace. It made me feel less broken. It made me feel worthwhile… like if this group of amazing, funny, supportive human beings could be there for themselves in the process, maybe I could learn to accept myself as a work in progress, too. Every Wednesday since then, I have looked forward to meeting the community that keeps me accountable to accepting myself, flaws and all.
Kisses From a Recovering Codependent
Big emotions, strong devotions
Unrequited care
Conflict manage, take advantage
Manipulative flare
If you resist it, I can fix it
I can carry it all
I find it thrilling to will the unwilling
I catch anything that falls
But wait, what’s there? My own despair?
I thought I was a machine
My overloaded mind exploded
Another mess I have to clean!
But wait a minute, just sit in it
Emotions don’t require action
My performative ways for all these days,
I’ll replace with some compassion
And there she is, my inner kid
Waiting to be appeased
No more to do, it’s just you & you
No people left to please
From here on out, I’ll never doubt
The truth that I’m enough
And when my urges start to surface
I’ll call my ego’s bluff
No contemplations of compensations
If there’s no hits, then there’s no misses
Time for reflection, progress not perfection
Signed, with codependent kisses
Cyd K. 03.23.2024
