“The ends justify the means” — this is the basic philosophy Machiavellianism, and I heard the statement multiple times from my psychopathic ex-husband. Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism are the three personality disorders of the Dark Triad, and my colleague, Dan Jones, recently gave a TEDx talk on how to spot and deal with them.
Dan is a psychology researcher and associate professor of management at the University of Nevada, Reno. He specializes in the Dark Triad, particularly Machiavellianism. This is a personality trait characterized by manipulativeness, deceitfulness, high levels of self-interest, according to Psychology Today.
Niccolo Machiavelli
The trait is named for Niccolo Machiavelli, the political adviser to the ruling Medici family in 16th century Florence, Italy. He laid out his ideas in his book called The Prince, published in 1513.
“According to Machiavelli, a ruler with a clear agenda should be open to any and all effective tactics, including manipulative interpersonal strategies such as flattery and lying,” Dan wrote in a book chapter on the topic.
Strategic manipulation
The key difference between Machiavellianism and psychopathy or narcissism is the strategic nature of the Machiavellian’s behavior, Dan explained to me. These people plot, scheme and play the long game. They also have tremendous impulse control, unlike psychopaths or narcissists, so they can maintain their cool as they execute their plan.
I’ve spoken to multiple Lovefraud readers, both male and female, who belatedly realized that their spouse or romantic partner targeted them specifically to use them. Typically, that meant taking their assets. In fact, multiple people told me that their partners were planning the divorce even before they got married.
People who do that, Dan agreed, are probably Machiavellians.
How to cope
In his TEDx talk, Dan offers his suggestion for coping with destructive manipulators. He believes that the most effective approach is to use their own strategies against them. Dan calls it the CBR approach: Cold, Bottom-line and Rational.
If you have no choice but to deal with a Dark Triad personality, Dan suggests removing your emotions from the interaction and focusing on your objectives. It’s best to get a Machiavellian, psychopath or narcissist out of your life, but until you can, protect yourself with CBR.
