20 Questions to Boost Your Self-Awareness

For many people, their 20’s and 30’s are a time of exploration and self-discovery. We talk about taking the time to find out more about who we are, and while we’re at it, venture to become more self-aware. But in reality, research shows only 10-15% of people actually possess true self-awareness.

“Self-awareness is our ability to understand our emotions, thoughts, and beliefs, and how they affect our behaviors. A self-aware person knows their strengths, weaknesses, and areas in their life that need significant improvement. They are aware of the reasons behind their decisions and can be objective in how they evaluate themselves, explains Rachel Goldberg, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.

Self-awareness is an important quality that impacts us in every area of life. A keen understanding of your own thoughts and feelings, and how they affect others, can be invaluable. We take a look at questions you can ask yourself to boost your self-awareness.

Why It’s Better to Be Self-aware

It’s hard to articulate our wants and needs to others when you don’t know or understand them yourself. It’s also hard to know how you are coming across to other people. Taking the time to get to know yourself better impacts you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

• When you’re more self-aware you do a better job regulating your emotions and communicating those feelings to others. “It increases our ability to manage our reactions to various situations,” says Goldberg.
• Self-awareness gives you a better sense of who you are. “Self-awareness benefits the development of a sense of self. Values and beliefs are not clear without a cohesive sense of self,” states Nicole Issa, PsyD, Founder and licensed clinical psychologist at the Center for Dynamic and Behavioral Therapy.
• When you know and appreciate who you are, strengths and weaknesses, quirks, and all, you have a greater sense of confidence. “It improves our self-esteem and confidence by helping us understand what we value and desire and make changes to our behavior to align with those,” Goldberg notes.
• Self-discovery through self-awareness also helps you experience personal growth. You’ve taken the time to get to know the areas where you need improvement, and even understand what may or may not work for you to achieve that growth.
• You learn how to manage stress, deal with anxiety, and exercise boundaries. “Without self-awareness, the motivation to take care of yourself is lacking and so having this capability leads to generally improved health and fitness,” Dr. Issa says.

Taking time to be introspective, to think and process your thoughts and feelings, not only helps you, but those around you. Experts have seen the benefits of self-awareness firsthand.

“I once worked with a client who was unable to see how her anxiety was impacting her work performance. By asking a series of poignant questions that got to the heart of her desire for safety (via over-planning, documenting, and re-reading), she was first able to see how these behaviors were impacting others on the team,” explains Kelly L. Campbell, Trauma-Informed Leadership Coach. “In reality, her team perceived her as competent, knowledgeable, friendly, and trustworthy. Both her self-awareness and confidence were boosted in the process.”

Twenty Questions to Ask Yourself to Boost Your Self-Awareness

How am I feeling right now? Asking this question “leads to increased self-awareness as you shift your focus to yourself and reflect on what may be happening in a given moment,” explains Dr. Issa.

What is causing me to feel this way? Taking the time to look beyond your feelings and dive into the reason behind them can help you to be more in touch with your emotions and your responses.

What would other people say that they love about me? Asking yourself this question can allow you to hone in on your strongest qualities, and be aware of areas where you have the most positive
impact.

What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? “Reflecting on strengths and limitations provides a balanced view of yourself so you can honor both and continue to develop,” notes Saba Harouni Lurie. LMFT, Owner and Founder of Take Root Therapy.

What drains me? What invigorates me? “Think about the situations that lead to changes in energy levels. This is a direct form of self-awareness and allows you to avoid burn out and to plan effectively for the future,” Dr. Issa says.

What do I need right now? Have you ever been grumpy and irritable, only to realize you’ve gone an entire day without eating? Or have you ever been working on a project, and noticed that you feel overwhelmed? What do you need in that moment?

“What’s one thing about your past that you’d want to heal?” asks Campbell. This question “gets straight to the point and moves toward a commitment to make a change.” It may also help you recognize other places in your life where you need healing.

Is this something I want to do? Why or why not? Sometimes we do things out of habit, or expectation. But is it something you truly want to do?

How do I treat other people who can’t do anything for me? This question gives a strong look at your character.

“Are there behaviors I exhibit that don’t align with my current values and beliefs?” asks Goldberg. This is a great question that allows you to really think about why you act in certain ways, especially if they don’t align with who you want to be.

Are my behaviors self-sabotaging? Are you doing things that keep you from achieving the happiness that you want? Is there something in your past that causes you to behave this way?

How do I express my emotions? Do I bottle them inside? Do I lash out? Thinking about this question will help you become more aware of your actions, the reason behind them, and how they affect those around you.

“What is preventing me from achieving success? One aspect of self-awareness is to understand the impact of yourself on, well, yourself. “If you are having trouble with time management at work or thinking clearly, you are fostering self-awareness and can then take steps to improve these areas such as learning coping skills and improved self-care,” Dr. Issa advises.

Are my relationships healthy? Do I feel appreciated in this relationship? Do I value and respect the other person? Answers to these questions can give you insight into areas where you need development and growth, and what improvements you would like to see.

What am I afraid of, and how do I let that fear impact me? Fears can cause us to miss opportunities or make decisions based on emotions and not facts. If you become aware that you do this, you can take active steps to make changes.

“What traits in myself would I not want in a partner, and why?” Goldberg asks. “This allows us to take a bird’s eye view of how we show up in relationships and if it’s something we personally would want in someone else.”

What motivates me? Asking yourself this question can be very telling. More money may motivate someone to take a job; for you, having greater flexibility is more important.

How do others describe me? Are their descriptions accurate? Depending on how you feel about what others say, it can cause you to delve deeper into how your words and actions impact others.

How do I act when you get defensive? This question boosts your awareness of your coping mechanisms and gives you insight into whether they are healthy or not.

When do I feel inferior or unworthy? You can discover an area where you need more growth and development by asking this question.

Keep in Mind

Frequent conflicts in relationships, difficulty controlling emotions, inability to apologize when you’ve done something wrong, and poor decision-making skills can also clue you in to the fact that you could benefit from introspection. Once you see the rewards in your own life, it can become easier to work on being more self-aware.

“Self-awareness isn’t a one-time achievement; it’s an ongoing process. It involves continuously reflecting on yourself and recognizing that it can be challenging to pinpoint your motivations or feelings at times. However, with persistent curiosity and effort, gaining a deeper understanding of your values, how you present yourself, and how you can grow becomes easier and more tolerable and leads to a more intentional life,” Goldberg concludes.